No Longer in Control
by titlefight
Summary: Izaya has always thought of himself as above human illnesses. When Izaya finds himself with mental insanity/depression, Shizuo might be the only one who can help. Shizuo/Izaya
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara! **_

_**Author's Note  
**_

_**First fan fiction! (Woohoo!) ** **I guess you could say that I don't really know what I'm doing.  
**__**Anyways with it being my first, it will most likely have many mistakes. Reviews would be greatly appreciated! Enjoy!**_

No Longer in Control

Chapter 1

The pain was overwhelming, even for the god-like creature he considered himself to be. Izaya wasn't the type to go ask for help, but the pounding in his aching head tempted him to pick up the phone and call Shinra. He didn't know where his cellphone was anyways, and really didn't care.

He closed his eyes, leaning back on his couch, tired of watching the room dance in duets around him. Although his splitting migraine seemed like the issue, it really was only a symptom of the insanity he drove himself to. He couldn't even remember when he finally crossed the line from sadistic genius to mentally unstable. Mentally unstable-_ ha, _he was starting to sound like Shinra.

Despite the pain, Izaya chuckled to himself. Izaya had barely left his apartment since his "sickness" had overpowered him however long ago. He only left to do the occasional job, as he knew his clients would not be sympathetic enough to let him take time off. Even being the informant he was, Izaya wasn't sure what it was he had. Dysthymia ? Depression in general? He frowned to the ceiling, his thoughts stumbling over themselves trying to come up with a diagnosis.

It started off as mere depression; which at the time was shocking enough for him. He was always the one laughing at his petty humans for wanting to cut their own lives short, but then he, the great Izaya Orihara, was considering suicide? He found it pathetic. But now, this disease, or whatever the fuck it was, had gotten worse. Much worse. His body would hurt with cuts and bruises that he couldn't find. Izaya would search desperately over his thin, pale body for any imperfections, but there were no injuries besides his scars from past fights with Shizuo Heiwajima. Even his deepest scars didn't cause nearly as much pain as he was in now, and for once in his twenty-three years of life Izaya Orihara was scared.

Getting frustrated with where his mind was leading him he sat up. He held the arm of the couch for support as he stood, trying to ignore that the television was spinning in his vision. He stumbled to his computer and checked the chat log. No one was on. He growled to the computer screen, as he retrieved his furry coat. Izaya was tired of staying inside his apartment alone. He had sent Namie on a paid vacation long ago, not wanting her to see him when he was weak. Izaya needed to get out, maybe stroll around Ikebukuro and pass some time there. If he was lucky Shizuo wouldn't be out today, but since he hasn't been very lucky lately he just hoped that he would be sneaky enough to not catch the attention of the blonde-haired brute.

The brisk November wind bit into Izaya's exposed skin and caused him to shiver. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his signature, fur-lined coat and started walking towards Ikebukuro. As he walked through the bustling city he searched through the crowds of people, making sure he wouldn't have an encounter with the frighteningly-strong blonde. It's not that Izaya was afraid of Shizuo, he just wasn't sure if he would be able to escape unharmed given his condition.

"Yo! Izaya!" Izaya turned to find the unusual group of Kadota, Saburo, Erika, and Walker approaching him.

"Hello, Dotachin"

"Haven't seen you around much, everything alright?" Kadota raised an eyebrow at Izaya as he said this, and Izaya tried to ignore his pounding headache, and mask his pain with a grin.

"Everything is fine, Dotachin." Izaya continued to grin, then hesitated. "I've just been busy. Now remind me, how long has it been?" Izaya tried to sound as casual as possible, but Erika and Walker still exchanged confused glances.

"About two months now, I think," Kadota answered. His eyes now questioned him, but he said nothing else. Izaya nodded, he didn't think it had been _that_ long. Kadota suddenly became serious, "Do you want to talk?" Kadota jerked his thumb behind him towards Russia Sushi, indicating that he would prefer that to be the place where they would discuss. Izaya broke out laughing, causing Erika, Walker, and Saburo to jump back in surprise. Surely Kadota would know better than to think Izaya would actually talk to him about his feelings. Finally Izaya suppressed his laughter to a few chuckles.

"No, Dotachin, I would not like to 'talk'. But thank you for your offer." Izaya spat out the word "talk" as though it tasted foul in his mouth. His headache was making him irritable, and he wants to keep his composure, for losing control of his temper would be too human. He waved goodbye to the unusual group, turned on his heels, and leisurely, but swiftly, continued his walk.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I still do not own Durarara!**_

_**Author's note**_

_**This chapter is short, because this was originally part of chapter one, but I cut them into two different chapters.  
**_

Chapter 2

Izaya made it a few blocks, before coming to the conclusion that maybe he shouldn't have left his home today. Ikebukuro was loud, _very_ loud, and each honk, laugh, and even chirp caused him a wave of aches. By now his leisurely stroll had turned into a clumsy meander, and Izaya knew that he was too far to make it back to his apartment His best bet was to make it to an empty alley, so no one would witness the infamous informant at his weakest. For if word came out that Izaya Orihara wasn't at his strongest, gangs would surely take advantage of the opportunity to eliminate him. Izaya sauntered into an alley and leaned against a wall, catching his breath. He must have been too distracted by his pain to notice the echo of footsteps following him.

"IZAYA!" Each syllable was drawled out to emphasize the anger the person behind it held. And power. Izaya's stomach turned, and he cursed himself for not being careful enough. But it would've made no difference; Shizuo always found Izaya in the end. Izaya smirked at the man approaching him; if he was clever enough he could escape with just a bruise or two.

"Well, hello there Shizu-chan!" Izaya sang out cheerily, although he didn't feel cheery in the least. He just wanted to get home. Shizuo growled disapprovingly at his nickname. "Sorry to say that I can't play today! Please forgive me, Shizu-chan, we'll have to reschedule for some other time."

"Shut up, flea! I'm not going to just let you get away!" Shizuo snarled. Izaya grinned, and turned to run when he suddenly felt a sharp pain in both of his legs. Izaya couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped his lips as he collapsed onto the ground. Izaya turned his head back to glare at Shizuo, who stared back in shock. Izaya's eyes darted around him, what did Shizuo throw at him? A street-sign? A vending-machine? Nothing was there. He looked back to Shizuo, who was still staring in awe at him.

"What did you do, you monster? What did you do to me?" Izaya snarled at the brute, not even attempting to retain his composure. Shizuo just stared back, wary if this was one of Izaya's tricks.

"I didn't do anything to you." Shizuo muttered, his tone calmer than Izaya was used to. Izaya didn't believe him, and he stared down at his legs. There was no blood that he could see. Izaya cut the fabric of his pants with his switch-blade, converting his skinny jeans to knee-length shorts. He stared at the bare, perfectly fine, skin of his legs. No bruises, no bones weren't sticking out anywhere; nothing was wrong. Then where was this pain coming from? Could it be possible that the pain that he was experiencing wasn't real? Izaya shook his head. No, it had to be real, pain this bad couldn't be fake. His vision was getting cloudy as he fought for consciousness, he couldn't let himself pass out with Shizuo just feet away. He would die right here. But maybe it was best to just give up, to let the darkness become all he sees, hears, and breathes. Izaya smiled to himself as he welcomed the blackness with open arms, accepting every last bit of it. This was his last moment, his last few seconds of living, and all he could think was how happy he was that he would never wake up again.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara!**_

Chapter 3

Izaya was horrified when he woke up. He hadn't expected to wake up; he had given up. Izaya Orihara had accepted death. He had finally come to terms with that. So why was he still alive? Why had he woken up in this unrecognizable room? Why didn't Shizuo finally finish him off? Shizuo had a golden opportunity to kill his enemy. This made Izaya furious. Shizuo should have ended Izaya's life with no hesitation, and be off celebrating by now. All of Tokyo would be celebrating the end of Izaya Orihara.

Izaya narrowed his eyes, taking in every detail of the room. He then realized where he was: Shinra's. Izaya sighed; so Shizuo had brought him here. The lack of daylight seeping through the blinds told Izaya that it was either very early in the morning, or late into the night. Neither Shinra nor Celty would be awake at this hour, so Izaya swung his legs off the bed and stood up. Nausea hit him like a brick, and Izaya cringed trying to keep whatever was left in his stomach down. The pain in his left leg had subsided to a dull ache, but his right leg, on the other hand, was definitely going to be more of an issue.

He limped out of the apartment, making sure not the wake the headless woman and her companion. It was early morning, around 5 or 6am he presumed., and the sky was a dark mixture between navy and purple. The starting of sunrise gave him enough light to be able to clearly see his surroundings and guide himself home. The only issue was his right leg, covering his limp would be difficult, but not impossible.

* * *

An hour later Izaya stumbled into his apartment,out of breathe. He leaned against the door of his apartment, taking in air. He didn't think a simple walk from Shinra's apartment to his own would leave him so fatigued. Izaya somehow made it to his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed.

He could hear his phone ringing in the other room, but Izaya made no movement to answer it. It was probably Shinra, and he didn't intend to listen to Shinra simulating worry, when Izaya knew that Shinra didn't actually care for the informant. No one cared for Izaya. He was always, and always had been, alone, and it never bothered him until now.

"That's because everyone hates you." A voice spoke up. Izaya's eyes burst open and he sat up. No one was in the room. The voice was now laughing, "You never chose to be alone, because it was never a choice. People just hate you." He slowly moved his hand to touch his mouth, and he realized it was his own voice that was speaking.

Izaya no longer had control of his body. Hours later his apartment was wrecked; glass broken, furniture toppled over, pillows ripped apart. His body was covered in cuts, some self-inflicted, some from glass shards piercing him as a result of his destructive spree. Izaya retired to an untouched corner of his bathroom and curled into a ball where he then fell asleep.

Izaya awoke to a sharp rapping from across the apartment. Someone was at the door to his apartment. He had no intention of answering it, no intention of ever leaving this corner of the bathroom. He held his breath, as if by doing so would make the person lose interest and leave, and he let himself believe that's what happened when the knocking finally ceased. Izaya didn't move, he didn't know what time it was, or how long he had stayed in that exact position.

It could have been hours, days, or weeks for all he cared. His empty stomach no longer bothered him, his legs and head didn't hurt anymore, either. He felt no pain, in fact he felt nothing at all. More time passed, and Izaya considered just dying right there. He heard more knocking at his apartment door. Except this time the knocking was much louder, and impatient, as if the person on the other side really didn't have time to deal with that door. Which was most likely true, since right then Izaya heard the sound of the door being kicked down.

"Izaya?" Voices called out for him. How many there were he didn't know, he couldn't even recognize them although they sounded familiar.

"Hey! I found him!" Izaya kept his eyes glued to the wall in front of him, refusing to acknowledge the man in the doorway of his bathroom. At least he knew the voice belonged to a male due to it's deep pitch. "Flea?" The male's voice was much closer now, and he could feel the warm air of the man's breathe brushing against his skin. Flea? Only one person called him that. Izaya's eyes shot up to the blonde man crouching beside him. If Izaya wasn't so terrified of opening his mouth, he would have laughed at the concern in Shizuo's eyes. If only that concern was real.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara!  
**_

_**Author's note:  
**_

_**Chapter's are short, I know. I'm trying to make them longer.  
**_

Chapter 4

Izaya refused to move. He refused to even acknowledge the people around. All he did was stare straight ahead, not even listening or paying any attention to anything besides the wall in front of him. They begged and pleaded for Izaya to at least look at them, but he couldn't hear them. Celty's nimble fingers swiftly typed out messages that he didn't bother to read. He could feel himself being lifted of the tile ground, and he would have protested, but he was unsure if he was even capable of talking.

Shizuo had Izaya slung over his shoulder, with Shinra and Celty trailing behind him trying to catch up with his pace. Izaya detested being this helpless But it was if he was no longer Izaya. As if this was no longer his body, but some stranger's body he just happened to be in. He struggled to hold onto who he was; an arrogant, ingenious informant. He felt trapped, and claustrophobic. He could be put in the most wide open plains in Africa, and still feel confined. For he was confined in the prison in his head. He couldn't escape his thoughts. Reality only seemed like background noise in his head, like going to sleep with the television on. He felt himself being lower, and then soft, but firm cushions of a couch under him. He could hear arguing, and he strained himself to tune in when he heard a certain blonde's shouting.

"Well? What's wrong with him?"

"He's starved himself to malnutrition, and has cuts all over his body. From the look of them, they are all self-inflicted, but none of them are very deep so they will heal just fine." Shinra sounded tired, and not nearly as devil-may-care as the doctor usually was.

"Are you saying he did this to himself?" Shizuo gestured to Izaya, but kept his eyes on Shinra. Shinra sighed.

"The injuries? Yes. What troubles me is what brought him to do that. There is nothing else substantially wrong with him. No broken bones, viruses; anything. Besides what he did to himself there is nothing _physically_ wrong with him." Shinra massaged his temples, he was obviously stressed by Izaya's frustrating state. Izaya was getting irritated by them, did they not see he was right in front of their noses?

"You can stop talking as if I'm not here. I can hear you." It felt weird for his mouth to be forming words, and for him to be in control of them. But he wasn't complaining. Celty typed out a message on her phone.

_-I'll go make tea.-_ Celty scurried off to the kitchen, leaving Izaya with Shinra and Shizuo. Izaya started chuckling.

"I have to say; I'm surprised. I certainly didn't expect for Shizu-chan here to break down my door and kidnap me. What do you two want?" Shizuo clenched his teeth, but Shinra remained calm.

"We don't want anything from you, Izaya. Except for you to tell us what has happened to you."

Izaya's chuckle evolved into maniacal laughter after hearing the doctor's response.

"You don't need to lie to me, Shinra. No one would go to that much effort for someone unless they required something from him or her. So, now tell me, what is it do you want?" Izaya's voice was now menacingly low, and he narrowed his eyes at Shinra, hoping to intimidate him into confessing. Shinra wasn't intimidated, though, or at least showed no sign of being frightened of the informant.

"Did you ever think that it was because we care about you? We have, after all, been friends since high school."

"You consider us friends? I'm flattered, Shinra, but I do not have 'friends'. Friends would mean that I consider you equal to me. And we are not equal. My love for humans is not one you have for a family member, or as you would say, a 'friend'. It's a love for manipulation, control, and the feeling of being so far above everyone else that it can only be compared to flying.." Izaya turned to Shizuo, who had remained silent the entire time. "You understand, don't you, Shizu-chan? Surely your strength gives you some arrogance, some feeling of higher power." When Izaya received no reaction, he continued, "Do humans not appear like mere insects before you? Insects that you could squish with your thumb, but choose not to out of pity?" Izaya chuckled once more. Izaya leaned forward, and weaved his fingers together. He smirked at the doctor and the debt collector. For once he could not read their expressions, maybe it was shock, or anger, or maybe even disgust. "Well, I would love to stay and catch up with you all, but I am quite busy." Izaya stood to leave.

"Too busy doing what? Killing yourself?" Izaya looked up in surprise at Shizuo, who was glaring at him furiously. That was disgust in his voice, for sure. Izaya was used to Shizuo speaking to him in disgust, but this felt different; more like disappointment.

"Excuse me, Shizu-chan?"

"Why?" It was a simple question that Izaya didn't know the answer to. Izaya chuckled, trying to evade one of the few questions the informant didn't know how to answer.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, you're limited vocabulary is...refreshing. It really makes the rest of us feel so much brighter." Izaya smirked at Shizuo, expecting the brute to explode in fury at Izaya's insult. Shizuo didn't even acknowledge it. Seeing the tension rising between the two males, Shinra excused himself and left to join Celty in the kitchen.

"Izaya, why did you do that to yourself?"

"Why does it matter? Do you want to be the one to finish me off? Well, here's your chance, Shizuo!" Izaya walked to Shizuo until his face was just inches away from Shizuo's. Izaya raised his arms to his side, leaving himself vulnerable and exposed. Shizuo stared at Izaya, then took a step back and grabbed handfuls of his hair in frustration.

"Tsk! You flea! Why couldn't you have just asked for help? Does your pride really mean more to you than your life?" Shizuo's eyes were wet with tears that threatened to escape, but he blinked them dry.

"Of course it does. What would I be without my pride? I would be nothing, I would be as weak as the humans I so dearly love." Izaya answered dryly.

"Is being human really that bad?" Izaya was taken aback. Within five minutes the informant had been asked two questions he didn't know the answer to. Izaya could rant on and on about how he was better than humans, that humans were weak and easily manipulative, but really none of that was significant. Both knew that it wouldn't convince either of them. Izaya stepped forward and dropped his head to rest on Shizuo's shoulder. He felt Shizuo tense up under him, then relax.

"I'm tired, Shizu-chan."

"Then you should sleep." Shizuo mumbled back. Shizuo's hand cautiously moved up to Izaya's head, then he started gently running his fingers through Izaya's hair.

"I'm not sleeping here, I'm going home." Shizuo pulled back.

"No, you shouldn't be by yourself." That angered Izaya. He wasn't some broken child, needing to be comforted and held. Or maybe that was exactly what he was and needed.

Izaya then remembered who he was talking to, he tried to create as much distance between him and the monster. Shizuo eyed the space between them suspiciously, appearing almost hurt by Izaya avoiding him. Izaya patted his sides for his switch-blade, but then remembered he didn't have his coat. Luckily he kept an extra switch-blade in his pocket. He lost count of how many switch-blades he kept total. He hid them in obscure places in his apartment, or on him, so that he would always be within reach of it's comforting sharp metal. He pointed the blade's tip at Shizuo's throat, to make sure Shizuo didn't attempt to grab him, then sprinted out the door. He ran, not bothering to check if anybody was chasing him, even though he knew nobody was.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara!  
**_

_**Author's note:  
**_

_**Thank you to everyone who Favorited/followed or reviewed! Here's another chapter!  
**_

Chapter 5

It didn't take him very long to reach his home. As he entered his apartment he saw the devastating state it was in. He didn't remember wrecking it this badly. He must have used one of his many switch-blades to carve into the walls of his apartment. Long etched-in lines stretched from room-to-room, reminding him of what monster still lives inside of him. Reminding him that he could easily snap, and do just as much damage again. It made Izaya shudder, and he moved to his couch. The dull, far away ache of an imminent migraine was the calm before the storm for Izaya. He took in deep breaths, trying to enjoy the temporary absence of torture. It was only a matter of time before he would be facing the pain again all by himself.

His phone started ringing, and Izaya reluctantly followed the obnoxious tone until he found his cellphone under some papers and answered it.

"Yes?"

"_Izaya Orihara, I thought you would never pick up._" Shit. He had been away from his cellphone for far too long. Shiki was not one to let such carelessness be excused without punishment.

"I apologize for the inconvenience, Shiki-san. Now what do you need me for?"

_"Watch yourself, Orihara. I'm not pleased by you ignoring my calls._" Ha, if only it was that simple. "_I need information on a certain gang forming in Ikebukuro. They don't seem very dangerous, but something about them is making me uncomfortable._"

"Alright, I'll look into it."

"_Don't mess this up, Orihara. You've been sloppy, lately, and I'm not happy about it. Bring me the information in three days._"

"How could I possibly mess this up? I can handle it. Don't lose faith in my services quite yet, Shiki-san." Izaya ended the call.

His stomach rumbled. When was the last time he ate? He brushed the thought aside. Straining his mind to remember would only welcome the pain to arrive sooner. Instead, Izaya forced his legs to bring him to his kitchen. Although Izaya has most likely been losing weight over the past two months, his body has never felt heavier. He could have sworn that when he moved he was dragging an anchor along with him.

When he reached the kitchen he swung open the cupboards. Izaya rarely went grocery shopping, so he could only hope that Namie had placed some type of nonperishable food in the cupboards before she left. Luckily for him, she had done just that. A half-empty box of crackers might not be considered a meal, but at least he didn't have an empty stomach to be concerned about. His stomach lurched, and he held down his digestion-in-progress crackers long enough to sprint to the bathroom.

After emptying his not very full stomach into his toilet, Izaya collapsed, his arms wrapped around the base of toilet. How was Izaya supposed to prevent starvation when he couldn't even keep any food in his stomach?

"How pathetic." This time Izaya felt the movement of his mouth forming the words, and he gritted his teeth together to prevent anymore from escaping.

With his strength gone, the only thing that got Izaya to his bed was his pride. He was too stubborn to let himself sleep on the bathroom floor again. Izaya excused that as a one-time thing.

Although both his body and mind were exhausted, he couldn't sleep. Something was bothering him; something was keeping him awake. What that was, Izaya couldn't figure out quite yet. Maybe it was Shizuo's behavior earlier The man never showed any compassionate or sympathy, even after he would send Izaya flying halfway down the street after striking him with a vending-machine. Shizuo was unpredictable enough before, but this new attitude of his only made Izaya more nervous. He couldn't trust him. He couldn't trust anyone. Shinra, Celty, Shizuo; sooner or later they will all betray him.

Hours went by, although Izaya's train of thought ended long ago. He was thinking about nothing, his mind was blank for hours, his body begging him to fall asleep. Yet, he couldn't. Instead he gazed at the ceiling.

Izaya found it weird when the sun rose, announcing a new day. It's seemed like the past few days have just merged into one, horribly long, day. There is no end to it, the sun can rise and the moon can later replace it, but it really makes no difference to him. His separation of days depended entirely on sleep. If he didn't sleep for four days, that would equal one day. If he slept through two days, that again would equal one day. Obviously sleep wasn't going to bless him with a break from reality anytime soon, so he climbed out of bed.

Izaya didn't know when he would have any more opportunities to work, so he went to his computer. He hoped that he could get most of the information for Shiki online, and not have to risk leaving his apartment to speak to his connections. He doubted it, though, if it was that simple Shiki wouldn't even have bothered calling Izaya.

After half an hour Izaya gave up on researching online. Nobody on the Dollars website had any useful information on the gang besides that the gang's color was red, which was a start. At least that could narrow his search. Izaya grabbed his coat and left his apartment.

* * *

After having a few meetings with his most reliable contacts, Izaya knew enough information to please Shiki. The gang was started by some pissed-off middle aged man, who got kicked out of the Yellow Scarves for reckless behavior. From what Izaya has heard, the group is hardly a gang, they are only considered one because of members boasting all around Ikebukuro about how bad-ass they are for being a part of a color gang. Members have attacked other gangs, but attacks are not coordinated or planned, but more of individuals getting the urge to get into a fight.

As Izaya was making his way to Shiki's office, he heard footsteps close behind him. It was obvious the person was attempting to be sneaky, but was failing horribly at it. The sidewalks were empty as he passed the busy area of Ikebukuro long ago, only accentuating the footsteps following behind him. Izaya fingered the switch-blade in his pocket, then abruptly turned around, aiming the switch-blade at his stalker's head. Well, it would be at their head if someone was there. A man on the other side of the street gave Izaya a horrified look as he increased his pace in Izaya's opposite direction. Izaya was pointing his knife at air. Maybe whoever was following him wasn't as bad at sneaking as he thought they were. He turned back around, and casually continued his walk. As he continued, he heard the foot steps start again. Izaya kept his face forward, and smirked.

Izaya led himself and his follower to an empty alley, where there would be no where for the person to hide. He turned around, again bringing his knife up to threaten the person who had been following him for three blocks. Again, no one was there. Izaya cursed the empty space in front of him. He started sprinting, gracefully leading himself through the alleys that he knew so well. No one could keep up with this pace; not even Shizuo. Yet, he heard the foot steps' pace quicken with his, and he heard a man's heavy breathing right behind him. The man was at least within arm's reach of Izaya. Izaya ran faster, his feet pounding against the dirty alley floor, but no matter how fast Izaya ran, the man behind him would quicken his own pace to match Izaya's.

Izaya turned a corner and was knocked back by the force of his sprinting body running straight into a group of men.

"Watch where you're going." A gruff voice said. Izaya didn't bother looking at him; he was immediately back on his feet. He glanced behind him, seeing if his chaser was still after him. He didn't see him, but that didn't mean he wasn't hiding some place. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" Izaya's eyes snapped to the four men in front of him. In appearance they were all different, but they all wore red bandanas. The man, who was shorter than the others and had black hair, greased back with most likely cheap hair gel, that was speaking to him wore a red bandana around his neck . Izaya almost broke out laughing at the irony of the situation.

"Yes, and it seems that you can't stop talking." Izaya smirked. These men were so predictable; short-tempered and reckless. Much like Shizuo, they let their anger take control, but unlike Shizuo, they don't have the strength to get them out of the consequences of their poor decisions. The short man fumed with anger and stepped forward, fist winding back for a punch. Just as Izaya was about to jump out of the way, one of the men stepped in front of the shorter man.

"Calm down, calm down. This is exactly what he wants. Have you never heard of Izaya Orihara's fights?" The shorter man calmed down and stepped back, giving control of the situation tp the taller, brown-haired man in front of him.

"I'm flattered that you've heard of me." Izaya really wasn't surprised, though, he was basically famous in Ikebukuro considering his occupation, and his destructive fights with Shizuo.

"Of course, I have. You are, after all, the man who is about to give information about our gang to one of your clients." The man smiled, knowing that he now had Izaya's attention, "As you can probably guess, we're not going to let you do that."


	6. Chapter 6

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**I do not own Durarara!  
**_

_**Although it'd be pretty cool if I did  
**_

_**Author's note:  
**_

_**Thank you all for the R&Rs! Finally, chapter 6! Sorry if this one is weak-ish.  
**_

Chapter 6

As an informant, there were few situations Izaya would be involved in that he wasn't certain of the outcome. To be honest, he was disappointed in himself that he didn't think of this being a possible outcome, even if there was no way he could have known this was going to happen. It's not like that has stopped him before. The men circled around him grinned, obviously pleased with themselves thinking that they had Izaya Orihara trapped. He could easily escape, though, and probably unscathed, too. But somehow these men had found out about his deal with Shiki, which bothered Izaya greatly.

"So that was one of your men following me? May I recommend that you find someone more light-footed to replace him? You could have heard him from a block away." Izaya sneered.

"What are you talking-" The one of them blurted out, before he was cut short by the brown-haired man, who was obviously the leader out of the group, raising his hand as signal for silence.

"I don't have time for your tricks, Orihara. We didn't send anybody to follow you. Now you can quit making poor attempts to distract us." Izaya didn't need any time to think of an escape plan, his mind had formulated one within seconds after the gang had surrounded him.

The other men drew out baseball bats, but he ignored them.

"So I'm curious; how did such an apparently simple-mined, idiotic gang manage to find out about my current job?"

"Just as you have your connections, we have ours. And I've been told that you are digging up information that we would rather you leave be." Izaya smirked, but he felt uneasy at the man's answer.

"It seems that you know a lot about me, then you should know that when I'm given an assignment, I complete it."

"This will have to be an exception." The leader's eyes flickered from him to one of the gang members behind Izaya. It was only for a second before the man's eyes returned to meet Izaya's glare, but it gave Izaya all he needed to dodge the baseball bat that was now swinging towards him from behind.

Izaya had his switch-blade in hand, which had already sliced a long, thin cut down it's attacker's chest. Izaya leaped to the side, avoiding yet another clumsy attack from one of the gang members.  
A wave of dizziness overcame him, but he gave no hint of the distraction. He sneered, which lingered only a moment longer before he felt the sharp pain of a metal pipe colliding with the back of his head. Panic filled up the inside of Izaya, but was then replaced with relief. This pain wasn't real.

His eyes wandered aimlessly with no target or direction in mind, but stayed put to see the man who minutes before he was merely talking to, holding a metal pipe above Izaya's head. Dread filled Izaya as he realized that, for once, he wasn't hallucinating. Izaya collapsed to his knees; a position he was rarely in, and found quite uncomfortable. "Well, Orihara, I have to say I never thought I would be the one to end your life. It's certainly something I'll be able to brag about."

* * *

The pipe was aimed at Izaya's head for one final blow, and was on it's way down when it's descent was interrupted by a trash can striking down Izaya's attacker. The man rubbed his forehead, "What the he-"

"Hell is this?" A deep roar finished. Izaya's blurry vision could make out the tall, blonde figure of Shizuo. Izaya had a weird sense of d_éjà vu_ seeing Shizuo standing at the end of an alley through darkening vision. At least Izaya had the dignity of being knocked unconscious by another person rather him passing out because of his own insanity.

"Flea? Hey, wake up." Izaya had dozed off into a semi-conscious state, and he realized now that the gang was gone.

"I wasn't sleeping." Izaya mumbled as he got up. Shizuo took a step back to give Izaya space.

"Whatever." Shizuo dug around in his pocket, until he found what he was rummaging around for and took out his lighter and pack of cigarettes. Izaya didn't care what Shizuo did, he could stand there and smoke until his lungs turned black for all he cared. Izaya turned and continued his way to Shiki's. It was a close call, but one threat wasn't going to stop Izaya from bringing his information to his client. Besides, the men were gone now. "What did those guys want?"

"My, my, Shizu-chan. Why are you playing the role of the concerned mother all of a sudden?"

"It's not that I care, I was just asking." Shizuo snapped.

"It's just comes with my work." Izaya massaged his temples, suddenly exhausted. Why did it seem like the whole world was against him? Well, it might be because of all the horrible things he's done, but nobody deserved this kind of pain. He didn't believe in karma anyways, or any so-called "higher power". Because to Izaya, he was the highest power there was.

Shizuo sighed impatiently, dropped his cigarette, then crushed it with his foot.

"I should kill you right now."

"How violent, Shizu-chan!" Izaya gasped dramatically.

Izaya wanted to get to Shiki as soon as possible, but he knew having his back to his enemy was never a good idea. And Shizuo was his enemy, but something in the back of his mind questioned if that was true.

"You're your own worst enemy, Izaya." Izaya looked in horror to Shizuo, but Shizuo gave no hint that he was the one who just spoke. Instead he was looking at Izaya with his head cocked slightly to the side in confusion. No one else was around them, though, so it must have been Shizuo.

"Shizu-chan, I know you hate me, but don't you think that's a little harsh?" Izaya tried to keep his tone playful, but his voice wavered when he spoke.

"How insane are you? You were the one who said that, Izaya."

"No, I was not!" Izaya yelled. Shizuo's eyes widened at the volume of Izaya's voice, which now echoed through the alley. Izaya never raised his voice to that level.

"Dammit, Izaya!" Shizuo raised the volume of his voice to math Izaya's. "What am I supposed to do?" Izaya didn't say anything, so Shizuo raised his voice even louder, "Tell me!"  
"Shut up." Izaya said quietly. Shizuo glared at Izaya, but obeyed. "Do you know who you're talking to? I'm no child, Shizuo. Quit talking to me like I am one. I know very well that neither you, nor Shinra, nor Celty care about me." That caused something to spark in Shizuo, and he grabbed one of Izaya's wrists and held it up to Izaya's face for him to see.

"Do you not see this?" Shizuo shoved Izaya's arm closer to his face to show the scars of his self-inflicted cuts. "_You _did this, Izaya." Izaya averted his gaze to the ground, refusing to acknowledge both the cuts and the man in front of him. He tried to pull his wrist out of Shizuo's grasp, but Shizuo's hold only tightened as his arm squirmed uselessly. "You have a problem, and you need to get your head out of your ass to fix it!" Shizuo yelled, and his grasp tightened even further.

Izaya flinched at the tightening grip, and Shizuo reluctantly released his hold on the informant. "Fine, whatever, get out of here." Izaya did just that, with not even a goodbye Izaya ran towards Shiki's. He just needed to drop off the information, then go hide forever in the safety of his home.

* * *

"Hello, Orihara. I trust that you have the information I asked for?" Izaya smirked at Shiki.

"Of course I do." Izaya tossed the folder onto the table in front of Shiki, who then reached for the folder and examined what it contained.

"They don't seem very dangerous."

"Yeah, but they aren't very happy that you have this information on them." Shiki looked up at Izaya, and smiled slyly.

"Oh? Did Izaya Orihara have trouble with a petty gang?"

"There was no trouble," Izaya lied. Shiki sat back into his chair.

"Good. Keep it that way."

* * *

Izaya started his trek home, and felt small droplets of water fall onto the top of his head. Izaya stopped and looked up into the sky in time for the dark clouds looming above him to increase the intensity of the rain.

Rain flooded onto him, so he pulled the hood of his coat over his head. He tried walking as quickly as possible to make it home, but his headache decided to make it's return now. Izaya had gone so long without the pain, that it almost shocked Izaya when he was reminded how much it hurt. He would be an idiot to think he could make it home.

From where he was it seemed like a better idea to just get to Russia Sushi, which was closer, and wait out the storm there. He set out to Russia Sushi; pushing the imminent pain to the back of his head in order to concentrate on getting there. It was working fine, until thunder crashed in the distance. The spontaneous and loud noise seemed to kick his aches awake. Not only did his migraine come back, but the pain in his legs, and now arms started, too. His body became numb to it's surroundings, completely distracted by the overwhelming amount of pains and aches taking over. He didn't even notice the footsteps walking up behind him.

"Why are you still here?" A low grumble came from behind Izaya. Izaya slowly turned to face the blonde. "I only let you go earlier so that you would get out of Ikebukuro. So why are you still here?" The rain had plastered Shizuo's bleached hair to his forehead, and mist covered his blue-tinted sunglasses. Clouds covered the sun, and there was no need for sunglasses, but Shizuo wore them none the less.

Izaya turned away, barely hearing what Shizuo is saying over the pounding in his head, and the noise of rain splattering against the ground. He started walking blindly, hoping that where his legs were leading him was in the correct direction. Why did the brute always show up at the worst possible times? Shizuo was the last person he wanted to see him weak, and this is the third time he's shown up while Izaya was on the brink of passing out.

"Flea?" Shizuo jogged to catch up with Izaya, who's pace was surprisingly fast despite how his body felt like lead to him. "Hey!" Shizuo grabbed tightly onto Izaya's shoulders, and forced him to stand still. Izaya's eyes couldn't concentrate on one spot, and they instead wandered aimlessly around his field of vision. Shizuo gave Izaya a light shake in attempt to gain Izaya's focus. Izaya's eyes froze on Shizuo, and Izaya stepped out of Shizuo's touch. Izaya continued walking, his clothing drenched and stuck to his skin.

"How much does it hurt?" Izaya stopped, and turned to face him.

"More than you could ever imagine. More than any truck, vending-machine, or blade could ever cause." Izaya didn't know why he was telling his enemy, of all people, how much pain he was in, but it was probably because he just couldn't think straight with the drumming in his head.

"Shit." Shizuo whispered. Izaya couldn't hear Shizuo say it, but he saw Shizuo's mouth move to form the word. Shizuo ran his hand through his wet hair.

The rain started lightening up to a light drizzle. Izaya wondered how long they had been there. The sun was setting, but the clouds covered the pink and orange sky that came with sunsets.

"You haven't eaten, have you?" Izaya remained quiet, which Shizuo took as "no". Shizuo sighed. "Come on," Shizuo grumbled.

Shizuo led Izaya to a park, where he made Izaya sit on a bench until Shizuo came back with food.

They ate quietly, Izaya scared that at any moment the food would come right back up. But eating beside Shizuo gave him a sense of tranquility that made his stomach able to accept the food without it making an appearance back out.

Shizuo stood up and threw away the trash. Then returned to his spot next to Izaya. Izaya's full stomach caused him to slowly return to reality from being completely absorbed in his mind's fluctuating state. Thousands of thoughts crowded his brain, but none of those thoughts were of any interest or use to him.

After a few minutes, Izaya was back. He knew where he was, and he knew how to get home from where he was. He stood abruptly, ready to sprint back to his apartment and collapse onto his bed.

The storm was over, and the clouds were starting to split apart, revealing the black sky above him. As usual, the black sky was lacking the glimmer of stars, but living in such a busy city only meant the sacrifice of such beauty. Izaya didn't even look at Shizuo when he started walking away in the direction of his apartment.

* * *

_**A/N**_  
_**This will be Shizaya eventually. It's going to be a long process, though. It's no "Hey, I hate you, but we are both sexually frustrated. Let's do it". And while on that topic, there is going to be no lemons. So if you are on the edge of your seat, awaiting a juicy lemon; there's not going to be one.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:  
**__**I do not own Durarara!**_

_**Authors' Note:**_  
_**Thanks to everyone who followed/Favorited. And I love everyone who reviewed. It means a lot to me if you could send me some reviews! Anyways here's chapter 7. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I don't know if I should put some warning, but you might consider this one pretty dark. Or intense. I don't really know, it all depends on you.**_

Chapter 7

Whispers called Izaya's name from different locations in his apartment. Izaya would search for those responsible of the whispering, but he couldn't find any sign of there being anybody else in the apartment. Izaya groaned to himself, he was really getting tired of this.

The hallucinations, the pain, the self-doubt, _everything. _ It was all becoming too much. He was tired of looking for things that weren't there, hearing what wasn't being said, and feeling pain that just wasn't there.

Some people might think that insanity makes you become less intelligent, like your brain becoming numb to activity and thinking. They couldn't be farther from the truth. Insanity, or at least what Izaya was experiencing, caused his brain to overwork itself. Thoughts multiplied by the thousands; he felt like his brain wasn't large enough to contain all that was racing around inside. Like his brain might just suddenly explode at anytime.

It exhausted Izaya, his mental activity seeped through to his physical state. His body became tired and dehydrated, and all he wanted to do was sleep. For sleep would put his mind to rest; or so he thought.

When he found that rare, blessed occasion for sleep, it was occupied with vivid nightmares. Nightmares that were so vivid, he felt as though he never actually fell asleep. It was like constantly being awake.

Eventually Izaya gave up on trying to escape to unconsciousness. The horrifying nightmares replayed through his mind like a catchy song, just repeating itself once it finally ended. The nightmares varied, sometimes it was Izaya being tortured by faceless monsters, sometimes he was forced to watch others be tortured. His sisters, Shinra, Celty; even Shizuo.

Actually, Shizuo's haunted him the most. The image of the once indestructible man being forced to his knees made Izaya want to scream. The things the monsters in his nightmares did were unforgettable.  
Izaya had to keep reminding himself that they did, in fact, never happen. He had to remind himself that the nightmares weren't real.

* * *

Days passed by as Izaya isolated himself in his apartment, or at least it might have been days. He was too distraught by his depravity of sleep to really consider how long it had been since he was at the park with Shizuo.

He was proud of himself that he worked up the strength and determination to eat yesterday, although it was light meal of a few slices of bread that were a bit too far past the expiration date for his preference. It didn't matter, though, it's not like Izaya could taste much anymore. The only taste he could identify now was bitterness. Everything, even just the taste of his mouth, tasted horribly bitter.

It wasn't just his taste that was bothering him, every sense seemed to be making Izaya miserable in one way or another. Everything he heard was too loud. Nothing sounded pleasant, even what used to be calming noises seemed too harsh and defined.

Everything he touched felt rough. Even his soft, expensive bed sheets felt like sandpaper to his skin.

Every smell was disgusting, and made him feel sick to his stomach.

And his sight. He didn't even know how to start on his eyesight. Images would blur together, spin around in circles, and do flips and twirls. It would've been entertaining if it didn't make Izaya want to vomit. Which he has done so more in the past few days than he has in his whole life.

"Why are you still alive, Izaya?" The familiar voice said to Izaya. He couldn't quite remember who the voice belonged to, but it made his stomach turn. "Why are you still fighting this? Well, if you would even call this fighting. How pathetic."

"Shut up!" Izaya screamed.

"Don't turn me away. I will always be here, Izaya, because I _am _you. Accept me."

"No!" Izaya screamed even louder. He brought his knees to his chest. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Izaya started sobbing. He covered his ears with his hands. He didn't want to hear anymore. It was a child's tactic, he knew, but he couldn't stand to hear the voice speak what he knew deep inside was the truth. It hurt. It hurt more than anything; more than his migraines, his aching limbs, and his defective senses.

The voice was wrong, _he _was wrong. That voice is not him, and it never was him. It's what's inside of him; what's taking control of him and his life. It's what is spiraling his life out of control. And it all terrified Izaya. He wanted so desperately to get it out of him, to go back to how things were. Which is how Shizuo came to find Izaya holding his switch-blade to his own flesh.

* * *

Izaya was so occupied in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that someone had been banging their fist on the door, and eventually just kicked the door open. He didn't notice that that person was Shizuo Heiwajima. He didn't notice any of it until Shizuo knocked the blade out of his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" Shizuo roared. Izaya got up to get the switch-blade, which was now laying on the floor across the room. Shizuo stepped in front of Izaya, blocking his path, and forcing Izaya to answer him.

"I was cutting it out." Izaya answered bluntly.

"Cutting what out?" Shizuo asked skeptically.

"The parasite." Izaya responded. Shizuo's features softened with confusion.

"Parasite?"

"Yes." Izaya gave up on retrieving the switch-blade, coming to the conclusion he will finish his task once Shizuo leaves. "There's something inside of me, Shizu-chan, and it thinks it's pretty damn funny to take control of my sanity. I intend on ripping it out of my body, and torturing it to my fullest extent before ending it's life in the most gruesome way possible."

"You should at least let Shinra help, y'know. Probably not a good idea to give yourself surgery or whatever." Shizuo mumbled. Izaya raised his eyebrows at him.

"Why does it matter to you? If it goes wrong, then I die. And don't you want that?" Shizuo's gaze, which had been anywhere but towards Izaya, now looked up to meet Izaya's glare. Anger returned to his expression.

"I don't." Shizuo growled. Out of habit, he dug out his cigarettes and lit one. He ignored Izaya's angry glare. Izaya would have snatched the cigarette out of his hand, but he let it pass this time.

"What about the fights? The threats? I remember you clearly saying you wanted to kill me."

"Those fights meant the same to me as they did to you." Shizuo paused, "You don't want me dead, either." Izaya's self-defense came into action, and the words fell out of mouth before he even knew what they were.

"I want you to die. I hate you." Izaya said quietly. He knew he was lying, and was pretty sure Shizuo knew, too. He didn't want Shizuo dead. The thought of Shizuo's lifeless body made him shudder. Shizuo sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. "I hate you," Izaya said it louder this time, practically screaming, but the words still lacked confidence. Izaya started shaking, partially out of anger, and partially because his body was starting crack under the pressure of being watched so intensely.

Shizuo smoked his cigarette, and used his other arm to wrap around Izaya and pull him into Shizuo's chest for an embrace. Izaya was stunned. He had never been comforted before, or have experienced any true caring action. Or one that he could describe as a selfless, caring action. Most directed towards him had selfish intentions behind them. Whether sex, money, or fame. This embrace confused Izaya, his brain couldn't come up with any theories that made sense of Shizuo's intentions.

The warmth spreading through out his body made him realize how deprived his body has been of any heat. He was so warm that he couldn't even imagine how it felt to be cold, even though that's all his body has experienced for the past few months. Izaya's instincts screamed for him to run, but he was paralyzed. His body started shaking uncontrollably with dry sobs.

"Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic." The voice repeated softly. Shizuo looked down to Izaya, but only pulled him closer.

"Flea, why do you say that?" Izaya pulled himself away, and shivered from the blast of cold that enveloped him as quickly as Shizuo's warmth had done. He reached the switch-blade on the other side of the room, and fingered it's sharp point. Shizuo eyed him cautiously.

"It's not me," Izaya mumbled, distracted by the blade in his hands, "it's the parasite. I need to get it out of me." Shizuo was approaching Izaya now, attempting to rid Izaya of his precious blade.

"Izaya," Shizuo warned, drawing out each syllable just as he has done so many times before, except this time the situation and tone being completely different. Izaya had the blade faced towards his own stomach, the tip almost breaking through to release the blood underneath. Izaya grinned.

"Don't you see, Shizu-chan? I can end it, whether I die or cut this damn thing out of me. Either way it'll all be over. I can't lose, Shizu-chan,." He started laughing.

Shizuo was across the room in front of Izaya in an instant, his hands already gripping onto Izaya's wrists, keeping him from pushing the blade into his skin. Izaya stared up at Shizuo in pure hatred.

"Let me do this, Shizuo." Izaya snapped, "I need to do this."

"No, flea. You don't know what you're doing."

"Yes, I do!"

Izaya ripped his hand from Shizuo's grasp. He plunged the switch-blade deep into Shizuo's thigh, and leaped back. He watched Shizuo's face turn from shock, to pain, then to disappointment.

Izaya was horrified. He just stabbed the only person who has been there for him. True, Shizuo had been his enemy, and still might be. And he has cut Shizuo before, but he has never given Shizuo this deep of a wound. Izaya backed away, not wanting to be anywhere near Shizuo.

"Get out." Izaya said. Shizuo grimaced as he tried to limp towards Izaya.

"Izaya-" Shizuo began, keeping pressure on his wound with his hands, but the blood seeped through his hands.

"Get out!" Izaya yelled. Shizuo grimaced as he moved, then stumbled out of Izaya's apartment; his fingers already punching Shinra's number into his cellphone. When the door shut, Izaya collapsed to the floor.

He was wrong, _again._ He was the monster, there was no parasite. Saying it was a parasite was only an excuse to avoiding the truth that it was him. He just stabbed Shizuo Heiwajima with his own hands. It was all him.

Izaya could still fix it. Although the switch-blade had a different target, the result would still be the same: it would be over. He could still end it. This made Izaya grin as he searched for the switch-blade. He realized Shizuo probably still had it, but it made no difference. Izaya had plenty of his special blades, and he just got hold of another one.

Izaya always felt comfortable with his knives, and sharp objects. Never had he been scared of it's dangerous edges before, but the knife he was holding in his hand terrified him. This knife was going to kill him. It was a comforting, yet terrifying though. Before he could properly position the knife a piercing shock started at his arm, then spread through out his whole body before he passed out.

* * *

Izaya awoke with a pounding migraine, and a groan escaped him as he tried to sit up. It was back, and right after he was about to end it, too. He was curious as to what, or who, had interrupted him and sedated him. The sedatives made him feel like he was drunk, not that Izaya has ever poisoned his body with alcohol before. Being an informant, he just knew what it should feel like to be drunk, and this was most likely as close to drunk as Izaya would ever get.

His eyes focused on his surroundings, and the familiar walls told him that it was Shinra's. It was probably smart of them to drug him, or else Izaya would have already fled.

The drugs made him feel heavy, and surprisingly sleepy. He wondered if this made it possible for him to have a deep sleep, one that would be undisturbed by frightening nightmares.

Shinra entered the room. Shinra eyed Izaya carefully, making sure not to miss any important issues he could overlook.

"Well, besides you not giving a shit about taking care of your body, you're fine. We have to keep you here, though, in order to get your strength back, and make sure you can take care of yourself."

"So, basically, you're going to supervise me at all times?" Izaya said through gritted teeth. He thought he has said plenty of times that he was _not _a child, but apparently not enough times to convince the doctor to leave him alone.

"You've given us no choice, Izaya. Until you prove to us that you won't kill yourself one way or another you have to stay here." Izaya started laughing.

"You can't make me stay here, Shinra." Shinra smirked slightly.

"Actually, we can. With you this weak, Shizuo would have no problem keeping you here." Izaya sighed and sat back.

The drugs were comforting vacation from reality, the fuzzy vision gave it the sense of a cartoon. His drugged-up state gave him a far-away feeling, like what he was seeing wasn't truly there, but just a picture of something that may or may not exist. He could get used to this. Izaya waved away Shinra's lecture.

"Fine, fine. I'll stay as long as you keep me on the medication."

"Izaya, don't get too dependent on them." Shinra warned. Izaya didn't care. He didn't want to think about how it will make it harder for him in the future to get off of them. Maybe he would just stay drugged up forever.

Izaya fell asleep. This time no dreams or nightmares bothered him, and he slept peacefully. Izaya awoke feeling better than he has in a long time. Sunlight was seeping through the blinds, announcing a new day.

He sat up, and examined the room around him. It was the guest bedroom, and was quite simple with plain off-white walls surrounding a room that contained no more than a bed, a dresser, and an end table positioned to the right of the bed.

Shinra entered the room, reading off of a piece of paper attached to his clipboard. Shinra looked up to Izaya, and smiled warmly.

"Good, you're awake."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Few days." Izaya was a bit stunned. Sure, it was a well-rested sleep, but he has never slept for that long. It was nice, none the less, to just _sleep_. Not have to toss-and-turn all the time, worrying about the images that will take over his unconscious mind.

"Good news is; you're recovering quickly. You'll still have to stay a few more days so we can make sure you won't be so reckless like before."

"As for my medication?" Izaya inquired. Shinra sighed, and left the room, to only return a minute or two later with a glass of water, and three pills in his hand.

"Take these." Izaya gladly did so. Swallowing the pills, then the chugging the water right afterward. Shinra looked at Izaya disapprovingly, but said nothing more. Shinra turned to leave, so Izaya spoke up before the doctor had a chance to leave.

"Shinra?" Shinra stopped, and turned to face Izaya. "Is Shizuo-"

"Shizuo is fine. He's laying on the couch resting his leg." Shinra interrupted, he sounded disgusted with Izaya, then left the room with a slam of the door. Izaya couldn't blame him; what he had done was sickening for him. He shouldn't have hurt Shizuo when he was no threat to Izaya. Izaya sighed and leaned back into his pillow. He was the restless type, and staying in bed was causing him to shift positions often. Nothing seemed comfortable.

* * *

Izaya was already out of bed, padding softly along the wood-floored hallways toward the living room. He had no plan or idea of what he was going to say to Shizuo, but he had to see him. He had to see once again what he had done.

Izaya stepped into the living, and his eyes immediately went to the blonde-haired man on the couch. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until he let out a sharp exhale.

He wasn't quite sure what he was expecting, maybe some type of gruesome, bloody scene, but Shizuo was just sitting there watching TV. The only indication of previous injury was his bandaged leg that was resting on the coffee table in front of him, propped up with a pillow.

Shizuo must have sensed someone was watching him, as his eyes came to meet Izaya's. Shizuo sat up straight, and most likely would have stood up if it wasn't for his leg.

"Izaya-"

"What's wrong with you?" Izaya interrupted, "You're not angry. You're not even trying to kill me! Even after I provoked you. You could have easily snapped my neck back there." Shizuo let out a frustrated sigh, and lit one of his cigarettes.

"You are asking _me _this? Look at yourself." Izaya sneered at the debt-collector.

"You think I don't know how insane I am? I don't need to be reminded from a monster like you. True, I may not have a firm hold on my sanity, but what about you, Shizu-chan? You have no illness to scapegoat your anger on. You just can't control your own actions; your own emotions. You let your emotions get the best of you, and that, my dear Shizu-chan, is your greatest weakness."

The edges of Izaya's vision started to blur and darken. He felt light-headed, and stumbled blindly for something to grip onto.

He grinned widely in attempt to fool Shizuo that he was perfectly fine, but in his blurry vision he saw the figure of the man limping towards him. Shizuo was talking to him, but he couldn't make out the words. He felt strong hands wrap around his shoulders, and then everything went black.

* * *

_**A/N**__**  
Did I mention that I would like some reviews? I did? Okay, cool.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer:  
I do not own Durarara!  
**_

_**Author's note:  
Happy summer! Again, thanks for all the feedback, whether it was a review, or just following/favoriting  
Sorry if this one took a while. I hope you enjoy it, though. And now I present to you: chapter 8.  
**_

* * *

Chapter 8

Izaya opened his eyes to find a busy doctor, a restless dullahan, and a pissed-off debt collector all crowded around him in the small, already claustrophobic room. Izaya was getting angry that passing out was starting to become a regular thing. Shinra looked up from his clipboard to Izaya.

"How are you doing?" Shinra asked, but Izaya ignored his question.

"Get away from me," Izaya snapped at them. Shinra and Celty retreated a few steps back, but Shizuo remained where he was. Izaya eyed him suspiciously. "Shizu-chan, I know you're a protozoan, but you're not deaf. I told you to move." Shizuo moved closer, until his face was directly in front of Izaya's.

"Do you think you're my god or something? I can choose what I want to do, flea." Shizuo snarled. The feeling of his warm breath brushing against his face made Izaya shudder.

"I don't believe you can choose for yourself, Shizu-chan. You couldn't possibly have forgotten all the damage you've done, all the people you've hurt, because your temper made the choice," Izaya paused, "And frankly, yes, I do believe I am the closest you humans will ever get to a god. There's no proof that the one you all believe in exists, correct? I love humans, so it's only fair they love me in return. That they worship me, instead of someone that they are only told exists." Shizuo backed away now, and Izaya smirked at him in victory. Shinra walked to the side of his bed.

"Izaya, we have to talk." Shinra nodded at Celty, who then tugged Shizuo away.

When the door shut behind them, Shinra spoke up again, "You have to tell me what's going on. I can't help you if I don't know what's happening to you." Izaya had never dropped his gaze from Shinra.

"I never said I wanted help."

"You need it. Whatever is happening to you will eventually kill you, you know that."

"Is death really such a bad thing?" Shinra gave Izaya a shocked look. "Could it truly be any worse than living? This is life, Shinra," Izaya gestured to his pale, broken body, "This is what life has done to me. At this point, I wouldn't mind dying."

Shinra pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, then abruptly rushed out of the room, leaving Izaya all alone.

Izaya's head dropped to the stiff pillow, and he laid in bed waiting for sleep to come. The pills' effects have long worn off by now, and his body craved for the numb feeling of heavy medication.

"Shinra!" Izaya called out to the empty room, hoping he was loud enough to gain the attention of the doctor who may or may not be somewhere in the apartment. After a few moments, Izaya could hear the sound of bare feet coming towards his room. Shinra opened the door and walked into the room.

"Yes?" Shinra faced Izaya.

"I need more." Izaya didn't have to bother saying what it was he needed more of, because he knew the doctor would understand immediately. Shinra sighed.

"Izaya-"

"Shinra, don't even try. Just give the pills to me, _now._" Izaya interrupted. "I know what I'm doing." Honestly, Izaya wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. He didn't know what to expect if the time came when he had to get off of the medication, but he just figured that he would either be dead by then or he would just never get off of it.

Shinra retrieved the medication, and placed the usual three pills into Izaya's hand.

"More." Izaya demanded calmly. The three pills in front of him didn't satisfy the hunger that was growing through out his body: the _desire_.

"No, Izaya. I shouldn't even be giving you this much."

"Shinra, it was not a question. Give me more." Izaya stated, his tone still lacked of any emotion that the informant might had been feeling. Shinra shook his head.

"Izaya, there's something wrong with you."

"Don't tell me there's 'something wrong with me'," Izaya yelled, "I'm still superior to all of you! I would rather die than become as weak as my humans!" What frightened Izaya was how close he was to being that weak. Each day he got worse, and it seemed as though the only thing keeping him from being human was his own stubbornness and arrogance. Shinra turned to leave, and Izaya reached out to grab hold onto Shinra's forearm. "_Please,_" Izaya spoke, now hushed and pleading. Shinra looked at Izaya; never before had the doctor seen the informant so desperate. Shinra pulled his arm away, and walked out.

* * *

Izaya grimaced at the twirling room in his vision, but got out of bed nonetheless. He swung the door open and started towards the door that would lead him away from this prison.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." Izaya turned his head towards the blonde brute, but didn't want to bother with moving his whole body to face the man. Every movement drained him of precious energy that he needed to use to get home.

"I am long past caring."

"There's something you want here isn't there? You wouldn't have even stayed this long if there wasn't something keeping you here."

Izaya smirked.

"Very good, Shizu-chan. Aren't you a great detective? In that case; do you happen to know where Shinra keeps his medication?" Although he didn't want to spend one more second in this apartment, he figured that it would be worth staying the few minutes it took to retrieve the pills and leave.

"No."

Izaya winced as he reluctantly turned his whole body to face Shizuo.

"You are lying to me."

"I'm not lying," Shizuo said gruffly, fingering the cigarette in his hand.

Izaya eyed Shizuo's bandaged leg. Izaya had never felt guilty before, and although he was sure that what he was currently feeling wasn't guilt, it still made him uncomfortable. "I'm fine, y'know. I'll be 'as good as new' any day now." Shizuo started chuckling, "Can you believe that some people _envy _me? They actually want this." Shizuo raised his hands, then clenched and unclenched his fists, "They want this overwhelming power. This uncontrollable strength, and the ability to basically be invincible." Shizuo met Izaya's eyes. "Do you know what goes through my mind over and over and over every time that I pretty much cheat death or serious injury? _Monster_. The word just repeats in my head continuously." He sighed. "It's really not as great as everyone makes it out to be." Izaya broke out laughing maniacally, and Shizuo fell into silence immediately.

"Oh, poor Shizu-chan!" Izaya said sarcastically between laughter, "Your strength must be such a burden! Well, look at me," Izaya's tone dropped from laughter to pure anger. He raised his shaking hands just as Shizuo had done before. "You have never felt this type of pain before. You have never been this weak. So what do you know about burdens? It's your fault you scared the people you care about away. You humans always place the blame on anyone but yourselves, because you all are too cowardly to face the consequences of your mistakes! It was _you _who couldn't control your anger, and _you _who hurt all those people." Izaya stopped, out of breath. Shizuo looked at the cigarette in his hand, then dropped it to the floor.

Izaya spotted a figure standing the corner of the room, when Izaya's eyes focused on it he realized it was Shinra. It was nearly impossible for even a professional to sneak up on Izaya, so how did the man manage to walk in without him noticing?

"Yes, Izaya, you are right. There's no use in blaming your insanity on anyone, or thing, other than yourself. Admit it; the only reason you told Shizuo that is because you envy his strength. You want him to feel bad about being so strong, so that you can feel better about being so weak. You can try and manipulate others all you want, but you can't avoid the fact that you're scared, Izaya." Shinra whispered loud enough for Izaya to clearly hear him, but quiet enough to send shivers down Izaya's spine. Izaya sneered at Shinra, trying to hide that his body was shaking.

"I'm glad you are finally honest with me, Shinra. I knew that all of that concern was fake." Shizuo's eyes darted from Izaya, to where Shinra was, and then back to Izaya.

"Who the hell are you talking to, flea?" Izaya chuckled. Of course Shizuo would be shocked to hear that come from Shinra; he had thought that Shinra's care was real.

"The real Shinra." Shizuo followed Izaya's gaze to Shinra.

"Shinra isn't there."

"No, it's him," Izaya sneered, "You fell so easily for his act, Shizu-chan. He never cared about me, or you."

"Izaya, no one is there." Izaya looked at Shizuo. Could Shizuo actually not see Shinra standing right there? "There isn't anyone standing there."

"What is going on? Your arguing is loud enough to scare all of my neighbors." Shinra walked into the room. Izaya was startled; Shinra walked into the room? His eyes darted to the corner where the doctor was previously standing, and found no one there. There was no possible way that Shinra would get out of the room that fast and go unnoticed.

"That's not possible." Izaya started approaching Shinra, slowly backing the doctor to the wall.  
"What isn't?"

"Disappearing and reappearing like you have; no human can do that. So what are you?" Shinra's back hit the wall, and at the moment Izaya had a switch-blade to Shinra's neck. All previous fear vanished from Shinra's face.

"You've seen me vanish and appear at random times and places?"

"Yes, I've caught you. I'll get the truth from you, even if I have to cut it out," Izaya pressed the cold metal a bit deeper into Shinra's skin, until a sliver of blood escaped from the cut.

A hand clenched onto Izaya's shoulder and wrenched him back, his switch-blade reluctantly pulled away from it's prey.

"What the hell are you doing? Shinra is helping you." Shizuo snapped, glowering down at Izaya.

"It must seem that way to you." Izaya mumbled, running his finger along the edge of the blade. He pushed his finger down, until he was relieved by the sting of it slicing through his skin that he could still feel. He almost expected that at any moment he would lose all sensation of touch.

Izaya watched the blood run down his finger and drip onto the floor, making small puddles of crimson liquid onto the wood. Shizuo's gaze was locked onto each droplet of blood. His eyes followed them as they made their journey starting from the opening of Izaya's flesh, and ending with a small splash as they made contact with the floor.

Shinra observed the two, then grabbed and pulled Shizuo off to the side.

"I believe I have a diagnosis of Izaya's condition." Shinra whispered to Shizuo, but stared at Izaya as he said it. Izaya couldn't hear them, but it didn't stop him from tensing up when he saw Shinra looking directly at him.

"Well, what is it?" Shizuo managed to keep his voice down, despite the energy seething through him. Shinra removed his glasses momentarily to rub his eyes, then replaced them back onto the bridge of his nose.

"I may not be correct. I'm no psychiatrist, nor do I have the equipment to perform the proper brain scans-"

"Shinra," Shizuo raised his voice, then lowered it back down to a harsh whisper,"What is wrong with him?" Shinra sighed.

"Schizophrenia."

"What?"

"Schizophrenia. It's a mental illness; hallucinations, not able to think properly, etc. I don't know what all of his symptoms are, given that he barely _talks _to me," Shinra rubbed his temples, "But his behavior has led me to schizophrenia."

"So schizo-"

"-phrenia" Shinra filled in.

"Yeah, whatever. This disease, is it treatable?"

"To be honest; not really. You can't just cure it. We can put him on medication to control the symptoms, and maybe some therapy sessions, but there's no guarantee he will ever be as he was before."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why aren't you telling him," Shizuo jerked his thumb back towards Izaya.

"Izaya is determined that I'm some type of monster or something. He wouldn't listen to me, especially if I was telling him something this big." Shizuo groaned.

"So you want _me _to tell him."

"I'll stay close by in case if it doesn't go well." Both of them knew that Shizuo could handle this new, weaker, Izaya just fine even if he does decide to go berserk on him. It still didn't make Shizuo feel any better.

"How did a flea like him manage to get this anyways?"

"No one really knows how it's caused. It could be in his genetics, or he was just unlucky enough to get it." Shizuo took a step back and moved his hands to his head.

"Dammit." Shizuo snarled, then abruptly turned to Izaya. "I guess we should talk."

* * *

Izaya refused to sit with Shizuo until Shinra was out of the room. Once Shinra was gone, they sat in silence for a few moments, both unsure of how to start what Izaya now knew would be a difficult conversation.

Shinra had given Shizuo a sheet of paper with the questions he would need to ask to make sure what Shinra was inferring was correct. Although Shinra wasn't a trained psychiatrist, he had the help of the Internet, which he used to simply search the questions that should be asked in this situation.

"So, uh, symptoms. What symptoms have you had?" Izaya raised his eyebrows and sneered at Shizuo.

"'Symptoms'? Are we playing doctor now, Shizu-chan?"

"Just answer the damn question, flea."

"Fine, but at least clarify what you mean by 'symptoms'."

"I mean," Shizuo read off the paper," 'difficulty sleeping or concentrating, lack of emotion, delusions, hallucinations, thoughts jumping between unrelated topics, bizarre behavior'. Any of those?"

"You know, you would make a horrible doctor, Shizu-chan."

"Don't change the subject. You are going to answer this question truthfully." Izaya narrowed his eyes.

"Why should I do that?"

"Because we can help you."

"Help me from what?"

"Izaya-"

"Help me from what?" Izaya raised his voice. Seeing that he had no choice but to confess, Shizuo grabbed and lit a cigarette before opening his mouth to speak.

"Shinra thinks that you might have a disease called," Shizuo paused, once again glancing down to the sheet for help, "schizophrenia."

"'Schizophrenia'." Izaya repeated quietly, tasting the way the word sounded on his tongue. Just as everything else; it tasted bitter. Izaya didn't know very much about the disease, being that his profession did not require information on mental illnesses, but what he did know caused his stomach to churn. He couldn't recall there being any known cure for the disease.

Knowing is half the battle? Bullshit. Knowing the name of what was torturing him didn't reduce the pain in any way, so it meant nothing to him.

"So now will you answer?"

"All of them," Izaya tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but his voice still cracked mid-sentence.

"Shit," Shizuo murmured under his breath as he quickly drew checks beside each symptom.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both comfortable without mindless conversation. Izaya's eyelids felt too heavy to keep open, so he closed his eyes. He was now aware of the surrounding noises such as birds chirping, cars honking, and the slow breathing of the man next to him. Those sounds, which in full consciousness seemed so close, were now retreating from him. The far away noises indicated that he was falling asleep, and Izaya opened his eyes in attempt to prevent the imminent sleeping.

"You can sleep. I'm not going to snap your neck or anything," Shizuo mumbled, and looked over at the exhausted informant.

"Although that's very kind of you, I think I will remain awake." Although Izaya tried to be stubborn and reject sleep, he found the far-away feeling of leaving his body returning, except this time much more overpowering. He drifted off, and his head slumped to rest on whatever was nearest to him. Which happened to be Shizuo's shoulder.

Izaya was conscious enough to be over-aware of where his head was, and that his heart pace increased despite how sleepy he was. Yet, he didn't want to move his head. He felt comfortable, and Shizuo's steady breathing made him relax. What he was most surprised at was that Shizuo hadn't pulled away, or pushed Izaya off of him. Instead, he felt Shizuo's fingers starting to comb through Izaya's hair gently. Izaya wasn't aware that the brute could be anything but recklessly strong and menacing.

* * *

Nightmares consumed his unconscious mind., and Izaya regretted not pressing Shinra more to giving him more pills. He would need at least double the amount he was previously taking in order to lessen the horrifying images.

His body started shaking uncontrollably, and he felt sweat forming on his brow. The beasts were ripping his insides apart. All he could hear was screaming, and all he could see was blood everywhere he looked. He swore he could even taste iron.

He felt what he presumed to be an arm wrap around his body tightly, then it all stopped. The screams were silenced, the blood cleaned up, and his mouth could taste nothing that was definable. It was all replaced by blackness. He couldn't see past the darkness, or hear anything, and Izaya loved it. Izaya loved having the peace of what sleep should be, he loved giving his mind a break, he loved all of it.

All felt was warmth, and his body involuntarily moved closer to the warmth. Izaya desired the heat, he wanted to absorb all of it, or better yet just melt into it.

As if the being read his mind, the arm wrapped around him tightened and brought him closer. At that moment Izaya forgot about his weak body, his depressed state, and his mentally unstable mind. All he could think about was that this was the best he has felt in a long time, and that if waking up meant facing reality, then he would rather stay in the darkness of sleep with this warmth all around him.

* * *

_**A/N  
There you go; chapter 8. **_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Author's note:  
Hey, chapter 9! Believe it or not, this story is verging towards the end! Thanks to everyone who reviewed/supported. I hope you guys like this chapter, it's a tad short, but whatever. Please review!  
Disclaimer:  
I do not own Durarara!  
**_

* * *

Chapter 9

Izaya awoke to notice two things; first, the obnoxious tapping on his shoulder, and two, the cold air surrounding him like a blanket of ice. His eyes flashed open, and locked immediately onto the dullahan above him. He sat up, and faced Celty.

"Isn't this a nice surprise? Good morning, Celty." He watched her fingers fly across the screen of her phone, the only noise being the quick taps of her fingers skipping across the letters.

-_It's four in the afternoon.- _Izaya frowned, and stood up.

"Well, then, good afternoon." He started to walk past her, when she stepped to the side to block his path.

-_You shouldn't be walking around-_

"So I've heard." Izaya went around her, and started heading towards the door. He reached out to the handle of the door, but froze. He looked down to his arm to find black shadows swirling around his forearm, keeping it frozen in place. Izaya glanced over his shoulder to Celty, who approached him with the screen of her phone towards him.

-_I'm sorry, Izaya, but I can't let you go.-_ Izaya smirked at her.

"Then, I'm sorry, Celty, that I have to do this." With his hand, he dug out his switch-blade and flung it at her in one swift movement. Black smoke enveloped the knife, stopped it mid-air, then dropped it to the floor.

-_You're making this more difficult than it has to be.- _Izaya turned around to face Celty.

"What? Is your boyfriend not happy with me?" Izaya circled Celty slowly. Celty stood still, her fingers frozen on the screen of her phone. "How obliging did you expect me to be? I was just told that I am fucking schizophrenic."

-_Izaya, we can help you.-_ Izaya stopped.

"No. That's where you're wrong, Celty. That's where all of you are wrong. I can't be helped- I could never be helped." Izaya sucked in a long breath; he said too much. He turned back to the door, ready to escape with as much of his dignity as he could, and gripped the door handle.

A hand took hold of Izaya's forearm, and jerked him back. His eyes flew to Shizuo, who was standing behind him. The expression in the man's eyes seemed almost hurt- remorseful, even.

Izaya's eyes widened as he recognized the heat that was slowly returning, it wasn't nearly as strong as before, but hot enough to make Izaya realize the source of the heat. Izaya's eyes darted to the switch-blade on the floor- the only switch-blade he had on him. If only he could get to it fast enough.

As if reading his mind Shizuo kicked the desired blade so it slid down the hallway, and halted mid-way through it's journey. Izaya grimaced as he watched his last resort of defense slide farther and farther away from him. Shizuo turned his attention back to Izaya, and Izaya broke out into a grin.

"Shizu-chan, glad you could join the party."

"Shut it, flea." Celty stepped forward, fingers tapping, and showed Shizuo her message. Izaya squinted to read the bright screen.

-_Go easy on him. He's having a rough time coming to terms with his diagnosis.- _ Izaya gritted his teeth angrily; they were treating him like a child having a temper tantrum. Shizuo stared at the screen for longer than it would take to read it, then moved his gaze to Izaya. Izaya straightened up and held Shizuo's gaze.

They stood like that for a few moments, Celty's "head" turned from Shizuo to Izaya, then tilted to the side. She typed out a frantic message to show to the both of them.

_-Are you guys okay?- _She cleared it, and wrote another one quickly.

_-Please don't break anything- _

"Tch, whatever," Shizuo grumbled, breaking the stare held between him and Izaya. "I don't want to waste my time on this flea, anyways."

Izaya put a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"Shizu-chan, I thought you enjoyed my company," Izaya sneered.

"I'll kick your ass, Izaya." Although the words were a threat, Shizuo's tone didn't hold the intensity to match it; making the statement seem inconsequential. Izaya chuckled at the meaningless threat.

"If only you could, Shizu-chan," Izaya turned on his heels towards the exit, "I apologize, but I must depart." Izaya gave a nonchalant wave over his shoulder before he opened the door. A hand slammed down to the side of Izaya, forcing the door to shut. Izaya glared at the blonde man now beside him.

"Did you really expect we would just let you leave? After how fucked up you've been?" Izaya smiled sadly.

"Not really, but I don't need your permission, do I?"

"Celty, go get Shinra," Shizuo said over his shoulder. Celty nodded and jogged out of the room to retrieve the doctor. Izaya pouted.

"Calling for help already? You're no fun, Shizu-chan." Shizuo gripped Izaya's shoulders, and Izaya looked from Shizuo's hands, then back to Shizuo. He tried to keep a stoic expression on his face, but he couldn't hide the surprise he felt when Shizuo suddenly grabbed him in a seemingly nonviolent way. Izaya held his breath when he saw the pained expression in Shizuo's eyes.

"Izaya," Shizuo glanced at his hands, then removed them from Izaya's shoulders, and instead they fell to his side. "I'm no good with words," he chuckled to himself, his gaze was locked onto the floor, but he looked up to Izaya, "But, I want you to know that, despite what you think, I'm here for you."

Izaya was shocked to find that his heart was beating violently against his chest, and he released the breath he was holding. He couldn't possibly be feeling any sort of compassion for the brute who had attempted to kill him so many times, could he? It would be ridiculous- idiotic, even, for him to merely consider thinking of Shizuo in that way. Yet, his body was giving all symptoms of an elementary-school crush. He cursed himself for lowering to such a level; he could taste dirt in his mouth he felt so low. Izaya Orihara is _not _dependent on relationships, or comfort, to progress him through struggles. He could handle everything on his own just as well, if not better than with "friends" or "loved ones".

"How sweet, Shizu-chan," Izaya said mockingly. Despite every part of him desiring, longing, for the care he was being offered, his pride still hung too high to come down. He still couldn't let himself go that low; to touch his feet down onto solid ground.

Shizuo snarled some incoherent, most likely obscene, phrase, then walked over to the wall of the room, and struck his fist cleanly through it in pure, white-hot anger.

"What the _fuck_, Izaya?" Shizuo spun around and charged up to Izaya, pointing an angry finger in his face, "Do you have any idea how fucking hard it was for me to say that? To be that honest- to show that much compassion? _No, _you don't. You don't understand because you've never shown any compassion. You don't give a shit about anything." Shizuo backed away, dropping his hand to his side.

"So, are you going to give up on me, then?" Izaya spat out, losing his composure. Shizuo looked at him sadly, his eyes full of what Izaya interpreted as pity.

"No. No, flea, you don't get it. I'm not going to give up on; I will never give up on you. I don't care how insane you are, or how much worse it'll get. Hell, I don't care if you will never accept my help; but, something's changed. Or maybe it's always been this way, and I was just too stuck up my own ass to see it. Izaya, I don't want you dead, because I think I'm," Shizuo took a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hear, "Ah, fuck it, I think I'm growing to have feelings for you." Izaya stopped breathing. He bent over, grabbing handfuls of his black hair. Shizuo stepped forward, hand reaching out tentatively towards Izaya, "Izaya?"

"Why?" Izaya choked out between sobs that threatened to erupt, "Why would you say that?"

"What?" Shizuo's hand retreated back to him. Izaya looked up to Shizuo, pain obvious in his face.

"Do you think that I didn't have enough to deal with? And now you lay this bullshit on me?" Shizuo's face turned from concerned to hurt.

"It's not bullshit."

"Fuck you, Shizuo." Shizuo cringed at his full name being used, knowing that Izaya was entirely serious.

"Shizuo? You wanted me?" Shinra walked into the room, looking at both Izaya and Shizuo. "What happened?" Shinra looked to Shizuo, "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Shizuo yelled. Izaya was now on the floor, slightly curling inwards, still clutching at his hair. "What's happening to him? What's he doing?"

Shinra rushed to Izaya's shaking body, kneeling down beside it.

"Breakdown. Something made him crack," Shinra said impatiently.

"No, that's impossible," Shizuo snarled, "He doesn't 'crack'. He doesn't break that easily." Shinra looked up to Shizuo; Shizuo saw both impatience and sympathy in the doctor's eyes.

"It doesn't matter how possible it should be, it's happened, and we have to deal with it." Shinra said, returning his attention back to the unresponsive body in front of him.

"How do we do that?" Shizuo knelt beside Shinra.

"Just calm down, alright?" Shizuo breathed deeply, trying to calm his pounding heart down.

* * *

Shizuo lifted Izaya off of the floor carefully, and followed Shinra to the guest room. He placed Izaya's small, frail body gently onto the bed. Izaya's eyes snapped open, and frantically searched the room, scanning every item repeatedly.

"Izaya," Shinra spoke firmly, but still with a comforting tone. Izaya glared at him, his breathing unsteady and short. His chest rose and fell with no pattern or rhythm, just falling and rising in quick bursts. It all looked painful to Shizuo, seeing such chaos in a body's tempo; no organization in any of it's actions.

Knowing nothing else to do, he walked to the side of the bed, and grasped Izaya's hand. Izaya's eyes shot immediately to their intertwined fingers, but didn't remove his hand. Izaya's breathing got slower, and more relaxed. Izaya closed his eyes, and tilted his head back to rest on the pillow.

Shinra looked between their held hands, to resting Izaya, and then to Shizuo. He nodded and smiled slightly at Shizuo, before exiting the room to grab some supplies. Warmth filled up Izaya's hand, and started surging through the rest of his body, until all he felt was the wonderful heat.

Izaya chuckled quietly, and Shizuo gave him a curious look.

"Shizuo Heiwajima and Izaya Orihara are holding hands," Izaya murmured. Shizuo, using his other hand, rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, I guess they are."

"Does this mean their days of destroying Ikebukuro in violent fights are over?" Izaya opened his eyes and stared directly into Shizuo's.

"Maybe." Shizuo leaned forward and pressed his lips against Izaya's. Izaya had no reaction; he didn't pull away, but didn't kiss back. Shizuo pulled himself away to look at Izaya's expression, but couldn't tell what emotion Izaya was wearing. Izaya watched Shizuo, but his eyes were blank along with the rest of his facial and body expression. "Izaya?"

Shinra walked in, arms full with different medical supplies, and set them down the end table.

"What's wrong?" Shinra went to the bed, examining Izaya.

"I don't know, he just stopped talking."

"What did you do?" Shinra stopped to give Shizuo a stern look. "Shizuo, what did you do?" Shizuo grimaced.

"I kissed him," Shizuo mumbled, staring down to his lap, then glanced up to see the clear disgust Shinra looked at him with.

"Did it cross your mind at the time that that would be a bad idea?

"He seemed fine," Shizuo retorted, then paused, "Can you fix him?" Shinra glared at him.

"I've told you, I can't just 'fix him'. This is a mental thing; Izaya is unresponsive. He basically just escaped reality."

"What can we do?"

"We can wait, there's not much more we can do." Shizuo groaned, and put his head in his hands.

"How long?" Shizuo asked. Shinra shrugged.

"You can never tell on these things. Could be hours, days, weeks- who knows? We just have to make sure his body gets the necessities it needs."

Shizuo sighed, and lifted his head to look at Izaya. Izaya's gaze had moved to the wall in front of him, and refused to move anywhere else but straight ahead.

"Izaya, if you can hear me, I'm sorry." Shizuo waited, half expecting, half hoping, that Izaya would acknowledge him. Still no response. Shizuo sighed, and dropped his head back to his hands. He reluctantly lifted his head back up to look at Izaya. "Then, I'll just have to wait for you."

* * *

_**A/N: There you go; chapter 9. It almost got fluffy there, didn't it? But nooo, I just had to ruin it by making Izaya have some insane episode. Oh, well.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's note:  
Weeeoooo! Chapter 10! I want to thank everyone who favorited/followed, reviewed, and...commented? I guess FF changed reviews to comments, which kinda sucks because now I can't respond to you guys unless if you do some sort of signature or something at the end :( Ah, well. Hope you like the update! And please, um, comment.  
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!  
**_

Chapter 10

Blackness. That was all Izaya could describe- it was all he could see, hear, or touch. It took over all of his senses until he felt like there was nothing to sense. At first, he could tell that there was an outside world- a reality to contradict this vast space of absolute nothing, but as time passed so did his judgment. It was as if he was on a train that was taking him farther and farther away from the muffled conversations that he strained to hear, and the soft movements that he yearned to feel.

_"Then, I'll just have to wait for you." _

It somehow carried to him; a last, desperate plead for him to return. After that the darkness, the pure black void, consumed everything. Izaya cried out, hoping to reach someone through this endless emptiness. It puzzled him how he ever found the darkness comforting, how he ever _desired _to be taken away by it. It was terrifying, and, worst of all, it brought a loneliness that Izaya didn't know was possible.

He wanted to follow the plea, follow it back to consciousness and reality, but as he tread blindly forward, he came to realize that he was going nowhere. For there was nowhere to go- no escape, no exit, _nothing. _

Izaya felt suffocated, and gasped for air. A new wave of darkness overcame him, and a chill crawled down his spine. In one final breath of air, he screamed for Shizuo.

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

The obnoxious tone that comforted yet pissed Shizuo off at the same time. Why the damn thing couldn't have a less obnoxious sound, he didn't know.

_"You never know with cases like this. I need to be able to monitor his heart beat and make sure his breathing is still regular."_

Shizuo reminded himself of Shinra's past lecture. It's a surprise he hasn't smashed the thing already, but he kept as much self control as possible. Last thing he wanted was to fuck everything up even more. Shizuo groaned as leaned back into the chair, closing his eyes, and trying to sleep despite the noise.

_Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep-beep_

His eyes snapped open to the accelerating beeps, and the machine that was responsible for them.

"Shinra! Get your ass in here!" Shizuo yelled, standing up, clueless as to what to do in the meantime. He looked from the machine, and back to Izaya, who's breathing came out short and quick. A pained expression covered him, and his unconscious body writhed about. "Dammit!" Shizuo muttered under his breath, and paced around the room.

The door swung open and Shinra walked in, immediately directing himself to Izaya's bed. He inspected the heart monitor, and Izaya himself. A worried expression crossed his face, and Shizuo stormed to Shinra.

"What's wrong with him?" Shinra now looked at Shizuo, and Shizuo was surprised to recognize some embarrassment in Shinra's expression.

"I don't know," Shinra concluded.

"You what?" Shizuo snapped, "How can you not know?"

"I don't know what's causing his heart beat to escalate to this level in such a short amount of time, alright?" Shinra snapped back angrily. Shizuo gritted his teeth together, but reluctantly backed off.

_Beep_

Shizuo recognized the sound with horror. The drawled out noise indicating the defeat of someone's fight to live, and the victory of whatever killed them.

Everything slowed down for Shizuo, like suddenly he was being pulled out of his body, and looking down on the situation from the ceiling. He watched himself standing there like a fool, just staring at Izaya. He watched Shinra rushing from one end of the room to the other, collecting an array of miscellaneous medical supplies that Shizuo probably could not pronounce the names of.

_"Shizuo!"  
_He felt himself being pulled back, and sliding into his body again. The images around him were once again clear and the sounds coherent. He looked to Shinra, who's face was shining with a light layer of sweat.

"Shizuo, snap out it!" Shinra snarled. Shizuo rushed to Shinra's side.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Go grab the defibrillator, it's over there," Shinra nodded towards the kit attached to the wall to the right of the door. Shizuo rushed to it and retrieved the defibrillator inside, delivering it to Shinra. "Okay, you're going to need to stand back," Shinra warned. Shizuo obliged, taking a few large steps back.

Shizuo's mind was still processing what was going on. He was in shock as to how Izaya's heart just _stopped. _Izaya was dead. He repeated in his head over and over, and he started to feel the walls of his composure crumble.

Shinra connected the defibrillator to Izaya, taking a step back himself, rubbing the paddles together. He gave a feeble smile towards Shizuo.

"Here we go," Shinra tried to sound optimistic, but even he couldn't mask the doubt his voice carried. Shizuo grimaced. "Clear!" Shinra called, before firmly planting the paddles of the defibrillator onto Izaya's chest. Izaya's body jerked upwards from the sudden surge of electricity, but made no further motion after landing back onto the bed. Shinra frowned, "Clear!" Another surge of electricity burst through Izaya's lifeless body, and Shizuo felt angry sorrow beginning to take over any logic his mind still carried.

_Beep._

_ Beep._

_ Beep._

Shizuo's eyes snapped to the heart monitor. Sure enough, it was faint, but it was there. Izaya was living again. Shizuo let out a shaky breath, collapsing onto a nearby chair. Shinra gave a weak smile and started doing further examinations.

* * *

"He's going to be fine," Shinra stated calmly. Shizuo looked up, and nodded. "Are you okay with staying here for a bit? I got to go grab some supplies."

After Shizuo reassured Shinra that he wouldn't harm Izaya in any way, he was left alone in the room. He let his head drop to his hands.

"I thought you were gone," Shizuo mumbled through his hands. "I mean- fuck- Izaya, you were _dead._" He raised his head, and watched the rise and fall of Izaya's chest. "I'm sorry," Shizuo whispered to the sleeping man in front of him.

* * *

_"I'm sorry."_

It repeated over and over in Izaya's head, driving him crazy. Well, crazier than he already was. The voice sounded so familiar, and it relaxed his tense body, but he just couldn't picture it's owner.

He felt a heavy weight lifting from his chest, and felt air traveling to his lungs. He sucked in the precious air and exhaled; relieved at being able to breathe.

The blackness was slowly softening to lighter shades of black, then grey, then white. Suddenly, all that surrounded him was white. It was complete contrast as to what seems like he just spent an eternity in. He came to realize that there was more beyond the pure, snow white, and his eyes strained to focus on what appeared to be a wall in front of him.

Shapes began to form in his vision, and colors blending into the picture he saw. Eventually, the white was overtaken by both vivid and dull colors, combining to create what he thought was the most beautiful sight he's seen. It may appear to be just a simple, even boring room, to most people, but to Izaya it was _real. _That's what Izaya found most beautiful; it wasn't some fake beauty that could be put on postcards and paintings, it was right there in front of him. It was tangible, and that was all Izaya wanted.

"Izaya?"

Izaya felt something tighten around his left hand, he glanced down to it to find a hand gripping his. He looked up to the man holding his hand, and studied his face. Like the voice he heard earlier, this blonde-haired man seemed familiar, and he felt a surge of heat traveling from his left hand, up his arm, and throughout his entire body.

Izaya frowned, "Who are you?" Izaya watched the emotions fluctuate on the stranger's face. From confusion, to shock, to horror. They rolled off each other in smooth transitions, fitting perfectly together in one reaction.

"You- are you serious?" Izaya scowled.

"Entirely," Izaya stated. He felt the hand's grip tighten.

"You really don't remember me?" The man asked quietly. Izaya's frown deepened as he searched his mind for anything of the stranger in front of him.

_"I'll kill you, flea!"_

_ "Stay out of Ikebukuro."_

_ "Kill, kill, kill, kill." _

Memories flooded him. Threats, fights, running through filthy alley ways, dodging large objects. _Pain. _He felt the pain of vending machines colliding with his body, and being flung far down the street. He felt the pain of the results of those fights, the ones gone wrong, the injuries. Everything. The pain filled up his chest, and he felt something warm yet cool trickle down his cheek. He lifted his hand to wipe it away, and realized it was a tear.

"What is it?" Izaya looked down to the hand holding his, and pulled his hand away as quickly as he could. He sat up and swung his legs off the bed, and stood up. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I remember you, Shizuo."

"You do?" Izaya was disgusted by the optimism in Shizuo's voice. Izaya laughed.

"How could I forget? All the horrible things you've done to me. The threats, the injuries; all of it. I want to get as far away from you as possible." Izaya stumbled out of the room, and nearly made it to the door before Shizuo stopped him.

"You can't leave."

"I 'can't leave'?" Izaya snarled, "Who the hell gave you the authority to stop me?" Izaya got no response, so he continued, "I was _dead._ You should have been elated!" Izaya flung his hands up in mock excitement. "But, no, you were concerned and worried," Izaya voice lifted to sarcastic joy, "Because you care about me," Izaya burst into a fit of laughter. Once his laughter subsided, he stared straight into Shizuo's eyes. "How am I supposed to believe that? After everything you've done; why should I let my guard down around you?" Shizuo's mouth opened to protest, but Izaya cut him off, "There's no reason, because it will never happen. _Never. _You're a monster, Shizuo Heiwajima." Izaya pushed past Shizuo, flung open the door, and exited the apartment with a loud slam of the door.

* * *

Shizuo knew he should have reached out to stop Izaya. He knew he should have grabbed Izaya's wrist as soon as he touched the door handle;but Shizuo was frozen in place. He could have told himself that Izaya didn't know what he was talking about, that he was misinformed, but he knew that what Izaya said was true. Izaya was never wrong, and he certainly wasn't this time.

Shizuo groaned, stumbling back so he could lean his head back on the wall. Nobody else was in the apartment, he could stay here. Of course he would get lectured later, but compared to facing Izaya it would be miniscule. He shut his eyes; although it would be so much easier to let Izaya go, he couldn't. He pushed off the wall, and ran out of the apartment.

The sunlight was almost blinding when he stepped out of the building onto the street, and Shizuo squinted past it in search of Izaya. He spotted the black hair and thin body belonging to Izaya crossing the street. Shizuo sprinted towards him.

"Izaya!" Izaya stopped in the middle of the street, turning around to face Shizuo. As soon as he recognized the man running towards him, he frowned. "Izaya, stop!" Izaya turned away, and continued walking across the street. He took no more than three steps when a loud horn blared. Shizuo's body tensed up, and he saw a large truck heading straight towards Izaya.

Just as before; everything slowed down. He watched Izaya's head turn from the truck barreling towards him, then to Shizuo, terror covering every inch of the informant's body. Squeals of protest came from the wheels as the driver attempted to stop the truck, but to no avail as the large vehicle collided into the dark-haired man in front of it. Screams of horror surrounded him, as people saw the scene unfold. Shizuo raced to Izaya, who was laying obviously unconscious on the road.

Shizuo reached him before anyone else, and he heard sirens in the distance coming closer and closer. Shizuo fell to his knees beside Izaya. A puddle of blood was growing, and soaked into Shizuo's pants. He held out his hands, reaching out towards Izaya, then retreated them back tentatively. What could he do? The answer was nothing. Nothing at all. He was once again useless before the man he cared about- hell, maybe even loved- and it destroyed him inside.

The ambulance came, and took Izaya away to the hospital. Shizuo stood in the puddle of Izaya's blood, and watched the ambulance drive away towards the hospital. Even when the crowd of people started dispersing, he stood there.

"Shizuo?" Shizuo's head snapped towards Shinra, who was now beside him. Shinra put his hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "You okay?" Shizuo turned his head away from Shinra, and back to where it was before, staring off in the direction at where the ambulance took Izaya. He felt the hand of his shoulder lift, and then a fist colliding into his cheek. He stumbled back a few steps, but immediately regained his balance. It was more from surprise than from actually being hit. He glared at Shinra.

"What the hell?" Shizuo snarled. Shinra pointed at Shizuo angrily.

"You let him go?" Shinra yelled.

"It wasn't like that; he escaped," Shizuo retorted.

"And you couldn't catch him? Think about it for once; who do you think would win in a fight? You or sickly and weak Izaya?" Silence. Shinra sighed, "Come on, we're going to visit him." Shizuo nodded, stepping out of the puddle of drying blood.

* * *

_**A/N: Y'know, this story might go on a bit longer than I thought last chapter. Given that I just started ANOTHER conflict. Sheesh, I got to stop doing this to Izaya. Anyways, I don't know how you guys like him getting hit by a truck...Sorry :3 Kind of just...happened. **_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Author's Note:  
**__**Hey guys! Want to know what I said right after writing last chapter? Well, after writing such a cruel chapter, I said that I was going to update really quickly to make up for it. Woops. That didn't happen, did it? Heh. Well, I want to thank everyone that reviewed/favorited/followed. Actually, double thanks to those who reviewed. You guys are the best. So keep on doing that. Maybe I should stop talking. Here's chapter 11.  
**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

* * *

Chapter 11

Shizuo's eyes investigated the busy, sterile hospital hallway outside of Izaya's room. His nose wrinkled at the strong smell of cleaning products, and the lingering smell underneath it of cafeteria food that wafted under his nostrils. It made him want to vomit. Nurses occasionally bumped past him, causing him to curse loud enough for them to turn back with a disapproving look and snap at him a half-hearted apology.

He swiveled his body around to stare daggers into the back of a nurse that didn't even bother to give him an apologetic glance when she ran a cart of medical supplies over his foot. Shinra nudged his elbow into Shizuo's side, and Shizuo turned to give his attention to the doctor standing in front of them. Shizuo eyed his name-tag, _Dr. Gabriel_. It was clear that Dr. Gabriel was blocking Izaya's door from them; standing directly in front of the handle. Shizuo had already came to the conclusion that the guy was an asshole, given that he hadn't said anything even remotely helpful yet.

"Your friend is pretty lucky, y'know, for being hit like that and only having the minor injuries he has," Dr. Gabriel said casually, and adding a whistle at the end indicating how impressed he was.

"'Lucky'? He got hit by a truck and you say he's 'lucky'?" Shizuo snarled, taking a large step into the man's personal space. The doctor eyed the limited space between them, then glared at Shizuo with a look of obvious annoyance.

"Listen, pal, it's not _my _fault he got hit by a truck. It was unfortunate, sure, but just be glad he came out like he did," he hissed.

Shizuo snapped, the edges of his vision blurring with tinges of red. He crossed the already small space between them, then lifted Dr. Gabriel off the ground by the front of his shirt. He saw the doctor's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously, but the rest of his expression, both facial and body, remained placid.

"You're pissing me off," Shizuo growled. He had no other sensible reason for his actions besides that he was just _so fucking pissed. _He didn't know if it was because of the cocky doctor's attitude, or because of Izaya, but he just felt filled to the brim with rage. Rage at what he couldn't stop- couldn't fix- even though he wanted to so badly. He wanted to stop that truck, to have helped Izaya before it was too late; but he couldn't. Scratch what he said before; it was clear that Izaya was the cause of his anger. It always has been.

Shizuo felt a hand grip his shoulder, and he turned his head to Shinra who's mouth twitched up into a small smile.

"I think he understands, Shizuo, you can let him go." Shizuo let go of Dr. Gabriel's shirt, and took a step back. The doctor smoothed out his shirt, giving Shizuo a disgusted look. "So can we go visit him now?" Shinra asked. The doctor eyed both of them warily, considering his options, then reluctantly took a step away from the door.

"Be my guest," he said, though not sounding very happy about it. Shizuo walked past the doctor, returning his previous dirty look with one of his own, then entered Izaya's room. Shinra followed, apologizing to Dr. Gabriel before also walking into the room.

Compared to the excitement going on outside of the room, the room was silent once Shinra shut the door behind him with a soft _click. _ The only noise was the heart monitor rolling out it's usual beeps that Shizuo has now grown to cherish, and the barely audible sound of Izaya's calm breathing. Shizuo first thought Izaya was asleep, but as he came nearer to his bedside Izaya's eyes snapped open and locked onto Shizuo with the energy of someone who could have only been wide awake.

"You're awake," Shizuo acknowledged, immediately feeling stupid for having to say something so obvious. He almost expected a snide remark about his stupidity to be thrown at him, but when none came he reminded himself that everything was different now. That Izaya was different now.

Shizuo and Izaya held each other's gazes, until Shinra cleared his throat, breaking their stare. Both of their eyes were now redirected at Shinra. Shinra didn't even shift or flinch at the intensity of Izaya's stare, but instead walked to Shizuo's side by the bed.

"The injuries aren't bad, he'll be able to leave in a day or so," Shinra paused, then added, "Only to be supervised constantly. He's not mentally-well; I had to convince the doctors to let me take care of him. Instead of, well, a mental hospital." Shizuo wasn't able to hide the horror he found in that option. "I know. That's why we have to have him on lock-down; any more situations like this and he will be forced to move there," Shinra said grimly. Shizuo moved his gaze back to Izaya, who seemed unfazed by the idea of living in a mental hospital, or maybe he just didn't even hear them. Locked away in his own prison of a mind, just like before. _Just like before. _A cold chill swept down his spine, as the moment Izaya died replayed in his head.

Shizuo leaned forward until his nose was nearly touching Izaya's, who had turned to once again stare at Shizuo. Unlike Shizuo's breath, which came out as hot blasts of air, Shizuo could barely feel Izaya's breath against his face. He thought of what Shinra would think of this, but immediately decided that he didn't give a shit anymore.

"Izaya, wake up," Shizuo growled, then realized his poor choice of words. Izaya wasn't asleep, but for some reason his mind couldn't come up with any better word to replace it. "Wake the hell up, flea." Shizuo caught a flicker of recognition in Izaya's eyes, and his pupils expanded and shrunk as they adjusted to the lighting of the room.

"Shizuo?" Izaya breathed. If Shizuo wasn't staring straight at him now, he wouldn't have even considered that whisper belonged to Izaya. Shizuo leaned back to give Izaya space.

"Welcome back," Shizuo mumbled gruffly. Izaya wiped the dark circles under his eyes with the palms of his hands, grumbling something incoherent. Izaya removed his hands, and his eyes wandered the room before him; taking in each item occupying it.

"I feel like shit," Izaya complained.

"You got hit by a truck; what the hell did you expect it to feel like? Warm and fuzzy?" Shizuo snapped, with more than a small amount of sarcasm tangled in his words. Izaya looked annoyed and mildly impressed at the same time. Amusement tugged the corners of his mouth up to a small smirk.

"I don't like it when the tables are turned like this," Izaya commented.

"So you finally sympathize with me over all the years of dealing with your annoying shit?"

"Not nearly enough to stop." Shizuo opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, rethinking his response.

"You haven't changed, have you?" Optimism rang clear in Shizuo's voice. Izaya's smirk shifted into a slight frown.

"We both have. You know that," Izaya stated calmly. Shizuo's gaze dropped to his lap, and he chuckled softly.

"Yeah, guess so."

* * *

There was a reason Izaya always escaped when he could; these hospitals were Hell. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room, always carrying some new contraption with each trip. It made Izaya's head spin as tried to determine each person's intention as they approached him with clipboards and head felt too heavy to be carried on his shoulders, and a groan escaped his lips once peace finally settled in the hospital room. His eyelids dropped as weariness from the day became more conspicuous.

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked into the open air around him. A pause of silence made him consider that Shizuo had somehow disappeared in the short time since he closed his eyes.

"Yeah?" Shizuo confirmed his presence, and Izaya opened his eyes to look at the blonde-haired man.

"Do you think that if this situation had never arose- me being schizophrenic- that our relationship would have ever become like this?" Izaya asked. Shizuo scowled at him.

"You're pulling this philosophical bullshit on me _now_? Damn it, Izaya, you're in a hospital bed."

"Fascinating observation, Shizu-chan, but I'm already well aware of that. Now answer the question." Despite the words indicating playful sarcasm, Izaya spoke with a business-like tone. Shizuo gave a short, harsh laugh, and ran a hand through his hair.

"Honestly?" Shizuo met Izaya's eyes and sighed, "No. It would have never happened; I would still be throwing vending machines at you and you would still be cutting me with those damn knives of yours." Izaya sighed contently, and shifted his body until he was comfortable in the bed.

"That's what I thought," Izaya murmured sleepily, and closed his eyes once again, this time not reopening them shortly later. His breath evened out and soon he was deep in slumber. Shizuo leaned back into the chair he had pulled up for himself and groaned.

"You asshole. Why do you always do that?" Shizuo whispered to the sleeping informant in front of him, "Why you can't just be easy to be around? Why can't we ever just have a _normal _conversation?"

Shizuo jumped as he heard the door creak open. Shinra stuck his head past the door.

"Hey, mind if I come in?"

"No, go ahead." The door swung open wider, and Shinra entered.

"How's he doing?" Shinra asked over his shoulder as he turned to shut the door behind him.

"Sleeping," Shizuo muttered, his attention back to the man in front of him.

"Good," Shinra concluded, pulling up a chair beside Shizuo's and sitting down. "He needs his rest." Shizuo gave a quick glance over to Shinra; more out of acknowledgment than anything else.

"When can he leave?" Shizuo asked nonchalantly, although his voice hinted interest.

"The doctors have to finish up some tests, but they said most likely tomorrow morning." Shizuo nodded, then fidgeted around in his seat until his head rested against the back of the chair and he seemed remotely comfortable. Shinra frowned as Shizuo shut his eyes.

"You don't have to sleep here. We can come back in the morning to get him."

"I'm staying. I'll see you in the morning, then," Shizuo muttered. Shinra's frown deepened, but he nodded in understanding.

"Goodnight, Shizuo," Shinra sighed, and left.

* * *

Shizuo stayed with Izaya through out the whole night. Occasionally waking up to observe Izaya- who was sleeping peacefully. It seemed so long ago when Shizuo's mind would go blank with anger as he would trash Ikebukuro in attempt to kill Izaya. He most likely would have been doing the exact same right now if it wasn't for Izaya's condition. It should have upset him to think that it was a disease that brought them together in this way, but it didn't. He knew Izaya could see something was there, and it just made him _happy. _Actually happy. It felt surreal to him; to feel something besides boiling rage, but it felt good- something he could get used to.

Sunlight streamed past the shades of the hospital room announcing morning. He could hear the hospital coming to life outside of the room, but the door separating them seemed to separate the excitement from their peace, as well. Shizuo waited for Izaya to wake up, and within an hour or so Izaya's eyes fluttered open and immediately locked onto Shizuo. Izaya gave Shizuo a crooked smirk.

"Good morning," Izaya said, his voice thick with sleep.

"'Morning," Shizuo grumbled, yet returned his smirk. "You get to leave the hospital today." Izaya sat up as he fully awoke.

"About time."

Shortly after Shinra and Celty arrived at the hospital Izaya was all prepared to leave. They exited the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the hot concrete. People pushed past them as they continued to their own destination. Izaya took in the environment around him along with a deep breath. He's felt like he's been away from reality for so long, yet it hadn't changed at all.

Everything was familiar as they walked back to Shinra's. The familiarity of someplace he's often saw, but it contained the vagueness of a place he's never been to; almost like being placed into the scene of a book. Izaya expected everything to break under his touch, or to not be there at all, but when his finger skipped lightly across the sides of buildings the surface remained solid under his touch.

Eventually Izaya just fully stopped in place, and placed both palms of his hands flat against the side of a building. His hands absorbed everything that made contact with his skin. He could faintly feel the vibration of electricity, heat, and water rushing through the building; like blood keeping it alive. Izaya could feel every crevice, every crack, and every imperfection within the walls.

"Izaya? You coming?" Izaya turned his head to Shinra, but didn't remove his hands. He felt the building pulse underneath his hands, and he didn't want to take his hands away from it. Celty stepped forward.

_-Are you okay?-_

Izaya grinned, and finally removed his hands. He started walking in the direction of Shinra's, and his hands went cold as only air brushed against them.

* * *

Izaya sat down on the couch, and looked around the living room. It, too, hadn't changed, and Izaya found relief in that. It made him feel slightly less insane.

"Everything alright?" Shinra asked as he walked over to stand in front of Izaya. Izaya nodded, his eyes still relearning every detail of the room. "You're going to have to stay here for a while." Izaya took his gaze away from the left corner of the room to look at Shinra, and frowned.

"I can go back to my own apartment."

"No, you can't. You have to stay here, or your other choice is a mental hospital."

"I'm not going to a mental hospital," Izaya retorted.

"No, you're not, because you are going to stay here," Shinra stated, and walked away.

Izaya felt the couch sink in as Shizuo sat down beside Izaya. Izaya felt the air draft in the small space between them.

"I want to talk about us," Shizuo said.

"Go ahead."

"Well, is there an 'us'?" Shizuo asked. Izaya stared at the air in front of him, mulling over his thoughts.

"Yes." Shizuo looked at Izaya, expecting an elaboration. Izaya sighed, "There is something there, I agree."

"And?" Shizuo spoke up when Izaya ceased talking.

"And I'm willing to try it." Shizuo scooted closer; crossing the small space between them. He wrapped an arm around Izaya, and pulled him to his side. Izaya's head dropped involuntarily to Shizuo's shoulder. It took a few moments for Izaya to get over the unusual feeling of someone being so close, but as the minutes went by and their positions didn't change, Izaya relaxed and sunk into the shoulder underneath him.

Izaya's mind- which seemed to never take a break- finally slowed down, and thoughts started to disperse, creating a pleasant, empty space in his mind.

"I'm willing to try it, too," Shizuo whispered.

* * *

**_A/N: Okay, there's chapter 11. Now is the time I say that this fan fiction is almost over; there will probably be one or two more chapters, and then an epilogue. And then that's it! I do want to apologize for the last section. I was (am) really tired, but I was determined to post this update tonight. That's why it ended abruptly/badly, and that that whole section overall is poorly written. I apologize for it's OOC-ness, too. I know it's there.  
_**_**You could still make my day(s) by reviewing. *insert puppy-eyes here***_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Author's note:  
**__**Whew. This is it, you guys. This is *in deep, intense voice* the FINAL chapter. Although, there will more than likely be an epilogue (nothing's for sure, though) If you want that precious epilogue to be guaranteed, be on your best behavior. I want to thank everyone that has stuck with me throughout this process. It really means a lot to me, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Well, just like old times, I will now beg for reviews. Reviews, please?  
**__**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!**_

* * *

Chapter 12

It's been a week since Izaya had left the hospital, and just as Shinra had made him promise; he stayed in the apartment each day. He would find himself getting bored and restless being confined within the much-too-small apartment, but, worst of all, he still had to deal with himself. He'd spend hours just sitting wherever he was located at the time, which sometimes meant the floor, and staring into space. He was too absorbed in his mind's theories and explanations of things that really would be no use to him in the future than to deal with reality. Shinra and Celty would try to pry him from his evasive spacing-out spans, but it was only Shizuo that could truly break him free.

It was happening again, and Izaya felt the familiar chill running down his spine as thoughts stirred uneasily He had just enough time to gently set his own body to floor before he lost himself in his mind. Shizuo was across the room to witness the incident, and rushed to Izaya's side. He crouched down, his hands hardly grasping Izaya's sides.

"Izaya? Dammit, snap out of it!" Shizuo snarled, and his grip tightened around Izaya. No response came from Izaya, and Shizuo swore out loud before lowering himself completely to the floor. Shizuo crossed his legs, then pulled the informant's frail body onto his lap, where he then wrapped his arms protectively around the man. "Come on, flea." His fingers rose to pick out the tangles in Izaya's dark hair.

* * *

Shinra and Celty would walk by, and briefly stop to catch a glance at the scene, then would proceed on with the business of their day. They sat there for at least two hours before Izaya came to. Izaya groaned as he sat up, pulling his body out of Shizuo's arms.

"You better?" Shizuo asked.

"'Better' is hardly the right word, but, yes, I am," Izaya muttered.

"Good," Shizuo said flatly, then stood up and stretched his aching limbs. Izaya was about to do the same when Shizuo bent down and scooped the informant up.

"Hey!" Izaya shouted in protest. Shizuo ignored his struggles, and carried him bridal-style to the guest bedroom where he dropped Izaya softly onto the bed. Izaya scowled, "That was unnecessary." Shizuo collapsed onto the bed, and shifted his body until he was laying right beside Izaya.

"You worry me, y'know," Shizuo admitted to the ceiling a few silent moments later. With his gaze also locked onto the ceiling above him he was unable to see Izaya's reaction to his confession. He did hear a puff of air as Izaya sighed.

"What am I supposed to do about that, Shizuo? Should I just stop being schizophrenic?" Izaya's tone started exasperated, but it only grew louder and more spiteful as he continued "Should I just stop being crazy? Well, how the hell do I do that, Shizuo? How the hell do I make you feel better?" Izaya spat out the last sentence.

"Nothing; there's nothing you can do," Shizuo said simply. Shizuo glanced down to meet Izaya's gaze, and was surprised to see Izaya's frustration disappearing, only to be replaced by serenity. He didn't expect Izaya to find comfort in his truthful answer, but he was pleased by his ability to actually calm the informant, rather than upset him further. He sighed, and lifted his hand to run his fingers through Izaya's hair. The repetitive motion ended up making Shizuo drowsy, as well as Izaya, and they both drifted off.

* * *

Shizuo woke up alone. He sat up, immediately getting the feeling that something was wrong. His eyes searched the room, but Izaya was gone. Shizuo rolled off of the bed, and walked out to the hallway.

"Izaya?" Shizuo called out. He could hear the shower running in the bathroom down the hall. Figuring it was either Shinra or Celty, Shizuo turned away from the bathroom and instead went to the kitchen. Shizuo found it empty besides a piece of paper left on the counter in obvious view. Shizuo picked up the paper and recognized Shinra's writing on it.

_Shizuo/Izaya,_

_ Celty and I went out for groceries. Be back soon._

_ -Shinra_

_ P.S. Behave yourselves._

Shizuo sighed and ran a hand through his bleached hair, then turned and headed back to the bathroom. He stood outside the bathroom door, and paused before knocking on the door.

"Izaya, you in there?" He asked tentatively, hoping to be heard over the shower running. Shizuo received no response. "Hey, Izaya," Shizuo called louder, "Can I come in?" Still no response. Shizuo grimaced at what he was about to do. "I'm coming in," Shizuo shouted in one last attempt at a warning. Shizuo turned the door knob, which had been surprisingly left unlocked, and pushed the door open. Steam escaped the room, and Shizuo could hardly see past the white cloud of it that had formed in the room. It brushed past him, leaving his skin sticky with humidity, and spread through out the rest of the apartment. "Izaya?" Shizuo approached the shower, steam still floated over the shower rod and joined the rest of the thick cloud that was creeping along the ceiling.

Shizuo tugged the shower curtain to the side and was shocked to find the informant sitting on the tile floor, fully clothed, and letting the hot water pummel down on him. His back rested against the wall and his knees were brought up to his chest. His arms wrapped around his legs in a feeble hug and his chin rested on the top of his knees. The water beat down on his head, and his black hair was plastered to his forehead, just as his soaked clothing was stuck tight to his skin. All together it was a perfect example of what pitiful looked like.

Izaya didn't even drag his gaze off the tile floor to watch Shizuo sigh and reluctantly sit down beside him. The water immediately drenched his blonde hair and bartender outfit, and Shizuo winced at the burning spray before his body grew accustomed to the heat. Shizuo knew he shouldn't waste his breath on impractical speeches. No words could comfort the man beside him, and, frankly, Shizuo didn't even know what to say. Instead he pulled Izaya over so that the smaller man was sitting in between Shizuo's legs with his back resting against the blonde-man's chest. Shizuo wrapped his arms around Izaya's now shivering frame, and tilted his head forward so his chin was nestled on top of the informant's wet hair. Shizuo couldn't help smiling a little when he felt Izaya sink back into his body.

* * *

"Shizuo! Izaya! We're back." Shizuo barely heard Shinra over the water. Shizuo cursed himself for forgetting to shut the door, but he was too preoccupied holding Izaya for the past hour to remember to close the damn thing. Shizuo could see Shinra looking at the steam collecting on the ceiling curiously as he set the plastic bags filled with groceries down. "Hey, what's up with the shower? You guys didn't forget to turn it off, did you?" Shinra called out to them; although he wasn't sure where they were in the apartment. There was a pause before Shizuo had to strain to hear Shinra saying, "No, it's fine, Celty. You go put the groceries away, I'll look for them." Shinra didn't have to look far as he took a few steps down the hall, then stopped in the doorway to the bathroom. "Oh," Shinra exhaled, taking in the sight before him with interest. Shizuo stared back at Shinra, hoping that Shinra could interpret the pleading look on his face as a plea for privacy. Luckily for him; Shinra could read him perfectly, and gave a small, honest smile to Shizuo before exiting the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.

Shizuo sighed contently as he closed his eyes against the warm water.

_Just five more minutes. Then I'll get the damn flea dry._

The two of them spent the rest of the day like that. Only when Shizuo's stomach growled menacingly at him and the smell of food wafted temptingly under his nose that he realized how long they had been there. Shizuo stood up, and lifted Izaya to his feet with him. Izaya's body leaned against Shizuo greatly for support. Shizuo kept one arm around the informant, and with his other hand reached out to turn off the water. Shizuo unfolded a large, white towel and wrapped it around Izaya's shivering body. He couldn't find any other towels to dry himself off, but it really didn't bother him. He was too concerned about Izaya to really give a shit about whether he got a cold or not. Shizuo eyed the dripping clothes that stuck to Izaya's trembling skin; it was really useless to try and dry him off with his clothes soaking wet.

"Be right back," Shizuo muttered as he left the bathroom, and made sure to close the door so that the bathroom could still contain it's humid, hot air. After a few errors, Shizuo finally found his way to Shinra's bedroom. He immediately flung open the drawers of the dresser and grabbed sweatpants and a shirt, then left the bedroom just as quickly as he arrived. Shizuo returned to the bathroom, and opened the door just wide enough to toss Izaya the dry clothing. Izaya caught the bundle out of reflex, but then only stared at it in his hands.

"Change into those," Shizuo ordered, then shut the door. He pressed his ear near the door until he was sure he heard the rustle of clothes. He leaned away just in time for the door to creak open and for Izaya to stumble out. The dark-haired man looked even more thin- if that was possible- when he wore such casual clothing.

"Hey, dinner ready?" Shizuo asked to the backs of Shinra and Celty, who were cooking over stove tops and counters, as he led Izaya to the kitchen. Shinra turned to face them, and immediately quirked an eyebrow at Izaya's apparel, but didn't say anything.

"Yeah, just about," Shinra answered as he went back to chopping up vegetables, giving one last amused glance at the informant's clothing.

"Great," Shizuo mumbled as he directed Izaya and himself to the dining room table where they both sat on the chairs surrounding it. Minutes later plates of steaming food sat in front of them, and Shizuo made no hesitation to start eating. Shizuo glanced over at Izaya to find the man just sitting there, staring at the untouched food on his plate. Shizuo glowered at Izaya until the informant reluctantly picked up his silverware and started eating. Shinra and Celty exchanged a look that ended with Shinra shrugging and turning his attention back to his meal.

Their dinner was quiet except for the clangs and squeaks of forks and knives scraping against plates. There were a few times when it seemed as if Shinra was about to speak up, but then decided against it and shut his mouth. Shizuo could tell Celty and Shinra found the silence uncomfortable- awkward at the least- but Shizuo didn't mind it. It was nice to not have to worry about what he was going to say for a moment.

* * *

Shizuo was little help in cleaning up, so Celty sent him out of the kitchen after he dropped and broke a second plate. He wasn't exactly known to be handy at housework, so he didn't really understand why they were so surprised that he was clumsy at putting dishes away. Shizuo returned to Izaya, who was still sitting at the dining room table, and hadn't moved since Shizuo sat him down for dinner. Shizuo placed a hand on Izaya shoulder, and the informant jumped and turned to see Shizuo. Izaya was doing better than he was earlier in the day and that gave some comfort to Shizuo.

"Come on," Shizuo muttered, lifting Izaya out of the chair by under his arms. Izaya pulled away so he could stand up on his own. Izaya was still so damn stubborn to retain his pride.

"I can get up by myself, Shizuo," Izaya stated firmly. Shizuo couldn't help smirking at Izaya's choice of words. Izaya hadn't spoke all day, but when he finally speaks it's just to brush Shizuo off.

"Yeah, I'll believe it when you get off your ass for once." Izaya glared at him, but Shizuo could see the corner of Izaya's mouth twitch into a smile. Izaya walked over to the couch, and sneered at Shizuo as he lifted his arms into the air and collapsed dramatically onto the couch.

"I'll get off my ass when the time comes, but right now this couch beckons me." Shizuo could basically _hear _the smirk Izaya was most likely wearing. He shadowed Izaya's steps, and collapsed beside him on the couch.

"Never took you for being lazy. I'd expect you'd be all health-concerned; eating lettuce, 5am jogs, and shit." The look Izaya gave him made him immediately regret opening his big mouth. Instead of punching him in the face- which was what it looked like he really wanted to do- Izaya sighed, and at that moment Shizuo noticed every tired detail on Izaya's face. The black circles under his eyes, the hollow of his cheeks, the irritated red color that hinted the not-so-white of his eyes. Every sleepless night Izaya had experienced showed more than the informant probably knew.

"That was before," Izaya said as nonchalantly as possible, but Shizuo could still hear the sad nostalgia threaded in his words. Izaya didn't have the energy anymore; it was as simple as that. The man could no longer sprint through the alleyways of Ikebukuro with a raging Shizuo on his tail throwing object after object after supermarket trashcan at him. Although Shizuo had no intention of ever going back to those times, it still saddened him to think of all the physical activities that Izaya just couldn't do anymore, and how they would have filled the rest of his years until it was age that limited him.

"We can get your strength back, I promise. We will get some exercise equipment, and you can work-out daily and gain back some energy." The pitied look Izaya gave him almost angered Shizuo. It's not like he gave Izaya a completely empty-promise; Izaya _could _gain _some _of his strength and energy back, but Shizuo had to admit the pity was somewhat-deserved. Izaya knew better than to believe in Shizuo's optimism of getting him back to normal.

Shizuo shut his eyes, and a few minutes of silence passed before he spoke up again.

"Do you remember what I said to you before?" Shizuo asked. When he received no response, he wondered if Izaya had fallen asleep, but when he opened his eyes to look at the man beside him he saw his eyes were wide open and inquisitive. "When I said that I wouldn't leave you? Well, I still mean it," Shizuo paused, "Don't get me wrong; you're still a complete asshole, and I'm fairly certain I still hate you." Izaya frowned slightly.

"What are you getting at?" Izaya interrupted with a slight edge in his voice. Shizuo raised an open palm to stop him.

"What I'm getting at is even though I hate you; I also care for you." Shizuo thought for second, and scowled at his words hanging in the air. "Ah, fuck, that doesn't make sense," he growled.

"That's your great love-confession? The one that's supposed to swoop me off my feet so we can ride away into the sunset on a horse?" Izaya scoffed.

"Horse...?" Shizuo questioned. Izaya gestured his hand as if brushing the idea off. Shizuo spoke up before Izaya could start rambling again, "I don't know what the hell you were expecting from me, but you know I'm no poet or anything." Izaya grinned and shook his head.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, always the slow one." Izaya's grin grew as Shizuo's brow furrowed. "You don't understand; I don't want that. Humans depend too greatly on romance- on being swooped off their feet- and I find it only makes the individuals in the relationship less, well, _individual._"

"And?" Shizuo grumbled, hiding his confusion under irritation and impatience.

"And the rest should come easy enough to you, Shizu-chan. I can't taint my mind with idiotic thoughts such as obsessing over a clingy relationship."

"So you're rejecting me?"

"No; the opposite. I'm saying that your confession was perfect." Izaya smiled, a genuine smile that Shizuo caught like a disease. Shizuo leaned to rest his forehead against Izaya's.

"Thank you," Shizuo breathed, only audible to Izaya because of how close Shizuo was. Shizuo lingered a moment longer before pulling back. There was no need to try and fill all of their moments with sentiment, for just being at peace with each other was all Shizuo needed.

* * *

Izaya didn't know what to expect when Shizuo and him clarified that they are, indeed, in a committed relationship. Change? More romantic approaches? Something along that line, he presumed. None of that came, though. It seemed as though the only thing that truly changed was what they labeled the interaction between themselves. Sure, there was an increase in their romantic actions; chaste pecks on the lips and cheeks occasionally, but never did they do much more than that.

They still argued, and they rarely flirted or even talked warmly towards each other. More than often they flung insults at each other rather than compliments or caring gestures. Yet, they depended on that. It was home to them; when Izaya's life went sour along with his sanity, he needed the sanctity of something familiar and grounded. When Shizuo felt his emotions change like the seasons, he also needed the familiarity and reminder of simpler times. Their relationship was exactly the grounded home-base they needed to retreat to at the end of each day.

* * *

_**A/N: That's it! That's the final chapter! *cough*exceptforapossibleepilogue*cough* Again; thank you all for sticking with me for my first fan fiction. I have never written an ending before, so I don't know if this is anticlimatic, or if I didn't wrap some things up, or if it just sucks in general...(I am aware of the OOC-ness) Reviews are lovely, just like you all!**_

_**HEY! DON'T GO YET! ATTENTION EVERYONE! *WAVES ARMS IN AIR* Thank you. I just want to tell you guys that I WILL ACCEPT REQUESTS/PROMPTS/STORY IDEAS. Just keep in mind I don't do lemons, and I can't promise you I will write yours, but please send them in! I'm interested in what you guys want me to write :) Okay, you may now skim past my chatter.**_


	13. Epilogue

_**Author's note:  
This is actually it. This is the last update for this story, and I wrote it in record time, too! So, never written an epilogue before. Well, who am I kidding? This was all new to me, and that is exactly the reason why I want to thank all of you. Even though this was my first fan fiction, and I made so many mistakes, you guys still gave so much support and I really appreciate it. Now, I'll shut up and let you read the epilogue to No Longer in Control.  
Disclaimer: Still don't own Duararara!  
**_

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Epilogue

Izaya never recovered. He was prescribed medication that he had to take on a daily basis, and even reluctantly attended therapy sessions. All of it together did help stabilize some of his symptoms so he was able to live a day-to-day life, but none of it could truly cure him. A few weeks with no traumatic incidents gave Izaya a looser leash and Shinra allowed Izaya to move out- given that Shizuo lived with him to keep an eye on him. Although Izaya didn't like the idea of still living with another person, he knew it was a step in the right direction.

It was different living with just Shizuo, and Izaya's instincts made him jumpy and nervous at first. Even though he knew Shizuo wasn't going to hurt him his body still tensed whenever Shizuo came close to him, so for the first month Shizuo had to keep an arm's length away from Izaya. Neither of them liked the distance forced between them, but both knew that Izaya couldn't function without it. Over a month passed, and Izaya gradually allowed Shizuo closer and closer as the days, then weeks, went by. Eventually they were back to Izaya being wrapped in Shizuo's arm for hours at a time. They unintentionally formed a routine for themselves, and their lives became as normal as would be possible for the peculiar couple.

Of course, as word spread that the informant, Izaya Orihara, was both physically and mentally unable to continue in his work, people took the opportunity. Whether gangs or his most loyal customers; Izaya was sent threats packaged in emails, voice-mails, and texts. The first messages caused Shizuo to dash out of the apartment in attempt to somehow find and kill the anonymous person, but each time he would end up coming home out of breath and frustrated. Some of the threats only caused him to leave an hour or two, while some of the nastier ones caused him to disappear for hours on end.

As the threats still piled in, Shizuo stopped searching for the owners of them, and instead unleashed his rage onto furniture and nearby objects. For the well-being of his apartment, Izaya started to keep the continuing threats secret, and let Shizuo believe that people gave up. Even though Shizuo's ignorance granted him some comfort, he still never eased his protectiveness over Izaya. On the occasions that they did go out, Shizuo would always remain practically attached to Izaya's side, and would loom menacingly over the swarms of people that streamed around them, scrutinizing each person that gave either of them a second glance.

* * *

The public's first reaction to seeing Shizuo and Izaya not only in the same presence of each other without ripping Ikebukuro apart, but also being so close, was to burst into gossip. Most of the people around them didn't even bother to be inconspicuous; they talked so loudly that Shizuo could have sworn it was intentional for them to hear.

_"Is that Shizuo Heiwajima walking with Izaya Orihara?"_

_ "You think they're gay for each other or something?"_

_ "No way! That would never happen!"_

_ "Ha, you seriously don't think so? I bet they were gone so long because they eloped or something."_

Shrieks of laughter followed, and Shizuo nearly covered his ears as they started ringing from the sheer high-pitch of it all. He heard slurred-together words as conversations around him overlapped, and he could only occasionally pick out his name in the mess of garbled speech. He felt Izaya tense beside him, and although it didn't show, he could tell Izaya felt just as uncomfortable about the gossip as he did, if not more. Reputation had been a significant part of Izaya's career, and Izaya just couldn't shake the anxiety that enveloped him by the surrounding conversations.

Shizuo's fists clenched at his side, and he gritted his teeth to keep from ripping the street sign beside him out of the sidewalk and swinging it through the crowd of people around them.

_"Izaya and Shizuo? Hell, no. It's not like either of them are capable of being in a relationship."_

Oh, was that street sign tempting.

_ "I bet they're just fucking each other. Completely meaningless, of course."_

It was like it was begging to be uprooted from the ground so it could smack some sense into these assholes.

_"Damn gays should just get a room."_

Shizuo's hand shot out to grasp the sign. His fingers tightened around it until the metal crumbled slightly under his grip. It appeared almost effortless for Shizuo to rip the street sign out of it's place in the concrete.

"Shut the hell up," Shizuo growled, swinging the street sign into the air. All talk ceased, and everyone's eyes shot to the looming street sign, and terror played across their expressions. Shizuo's eyes wandered the crowd, and he looked closely upon each terrified face. He couldn't do it. He sighed and let the sign drop to the ground beside him, laying haphazardly in the approximate place of where it was originally planted. His other hand found it's way to Izaya's wrist, and his fingers wrapped around it. Shizuo turned back around in the direction of the apartment, and started walking, tugging Izaya lightly along with him.

* * *

The times they went out after that went smoothly. Enough people had heard of what happened before to not bother Shizuo and Izaya, although Shizuo would occasionally see out of the corner of his eye people leaning in to whisper to each other, while their eyes were locked on to him and Izaya. Shizuo chose to ignore them, though, deciding that they weren't worth the trouble that would come with losing his temper. Each time following brought less and less attention to them, and they became a usual sight in Ikebukuro.

As years came and went, people forgot about the fights and the damage that had been dealt in them. They still trembled under Shizuo's stature, but more out of first-impression than out of memories of his previous rampages. People even forgot about Izaya and his celebrity status. Both of them were not used to being treated like any other citizen, but eventually they too found themselves accustomed to just being overlooked in a crowd. Izaya was able to hide his schizophrenia well enough to be deemed unworthy of stares and curious looks, and Shizuo was able to contain most of his temper to just be considered an irritable man with little patience.

Their lives weren't exactly perfect- they had their fair share of struggles and hardships_. _Izaya's insanity sometimes tested their relationship. Just as everything else; they grew used to it. It became their day-to-day struggle that they dealt with. Shizuo didn't let it take the rest of their years, and he persisted to making Izaya join him in varieties of activities and events that filled their days. Despite their situation; they were satisfied with their imperfect lives. Each life had it's own conflicts, and this was theirs, so they accepted that and moved on from being spiteful at the world. They could only waste so much of their lives on spite before realizing how many years were in front of them to live.

-Fin-

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_**A/N: What am I going to do now that this is done? O_O I feel like I've been working on this forever, and now it's done. Well, that concludes the probably cheesy ending to No Longer in Control. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Reviews are fab, just like you. And if you want more of my writing, hit me up with some possible ideas because otherwise it will take me a while to think of my own ^_^; Just as warning: I am picky, so if I don't go for it, don't feel bad; I'm just impossible to deal with. So blame me, but don't let it stop you from messaging me!**_

_**Review Responses: (To anonymous Guest reviewer[s]: thank you for your reviews and your time! I really appreciate it, and I hope you liked it!**_

_**AF: Heyy, I actually did update soon for once :D It only took me 13 chapters. Heh, I'm surprised by how fluffy it turned out. After that truck-incident at chapter 10 I thought it was the end to any dreams I had of writing fluff, but look at me now! I can write adorable-ness without someone getting seriously hurt! Anyways, thank you very much for reading! Stay tuned!  
**_

_**Rai Rai Blue: Luckily for you, a friend told me the secret to posting links. So this here is my Tumblr: standourownground .tumblr Just get rid of spaces, and if that didn't work then just google "notbuiltforninetofives" and it should be the first one. Then send me a message ;) Haha, yeah, it was anti-climatic. I was driving myself crazy with how to fix it, but then just decided that hopefully I can fix it with the epilogue. Did it work? I think the epilogue ended it a bit better, but may just be me. Hey, if there's anything I'm good at, it's cock-blocking stories. Don't worry, I'd figure out a way to avoid lemons. I always do. Anyways, hope to talk to you soon!**_

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_**I think that's it! See you all next story! **_


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